Hey friends! It’s time. Time to make the comic book list. I am endeavoring to craft this list amid a steady stream of flu-powered sweat dribbling down my dapper dome. Wipe, wipe, wipe my brow and then I continue soldiering on. Though I may be sickened even as tomorrow falls, I’ll take respite in knowing that I shall be sweating my grimy paws over some new funny books. Consider this my shamanistic powwow. I will share the titles that I hope shall pull me through my delirium. You follow up this vision quest by dropping the titles that you have staked out this week.

Don’t know what’s dropping?  Hit up ComicList.

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Yeah, I’ve been toying with the name of this column for weeks now. I’ll just accept it. Ain’t no one home when it comes to this little installation on Spaceship Omega. Buy These Fucking Comics!, the column where we all share the funny books we’re buying this week. In theory. Most of the time it’s just me pissing into the wind, waiting for a friend. S’all good though. I like pee play, and like many things in life while it isn’t ideal to do it alone, it sure as shit beats not doing it at all.

Actually want to play the game? Hit up ComicList.

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With a headline like that, I better buckle up. It’s that time of the year where the Funny Book Factories begin churning out stunning efforts in mediocrity, otherwise known as Events. Yes sir. Yes ma’am. This week the all ninety-three Avengers teams are going to be throwing down with all fourteen X-Men squads and the price will be paid by readers looking for something not refried and snot-covered. (I thought this was called Civil War?)

Eh! There’s dope books a’dropping this week too. Let’s focus on that. This is Comics We’re Buying This Week. The simplistically titled column where us worshippers of the paneled page can gather around and share the funny book loot we’re snagging this week.  Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit up ComicList.

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Come one, come all into the rodeo of splash-page-ultra-narrative death. This is Comics We’re Buying This Week, the column where we gather in a neat circle and share the new funny books that are exciting us. It’s communal. Like the showers. Like the water fountain. I go first. Don’t lag behind.  This week is replete with eccentric wunder-artists, premiere issues, and breast milk. It’s going to be fun.

Don’t know what’s coming out this week? Hit up ComicList. Excuses removed!

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Hello friends. Gals. Guys. Transpecimens from an alternate dimension reading this in the future as some ethnographic study on our primitive simian brain-stems. This is Funny Books We’re Snagging This Week, the comic book column where we spaz and spout and maybe even rub it a little over the week’s funny book releases.  Everyone’s invited! Especially if you find something not covered. Not certain what’s coming out? Hit up ComicList.

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Welcome to  Comics We’re Buying This Week.  At the end of a long fucking day, during a long fucking week in which I haven’t actually read  any comic books, I come to you.  My task!, should I choose to accept it: to tell you the funny books I’m buying during this ungodly weekly cycle. All I ask in return is that you partake in this community (I accidentally typed ‘cummunity’ so you can see the threads coming apart in here) by rattling off the swag you’re either buying or interested in that are dropping this week. It’s a simple conceit. Yet in these complicated times, isn’t that just a bit comforting? Make the nips soften a bit knowing every Wednesday lies some friends and some funnies.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit ComicList, then come back here. We’ll wait.

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We’re shortly enclosing on the witching hour, the feast of October. The  ephemeral  time where the membrane between the expired and the wind-sucking melts before our eyes, unleashing torrents of evil and scares upon us. That ain’t the half of it either, dude. Motherfuckin’ candy up in the bitch and rotten teeth and syringes in the bags of your children. It’s dangerous out there! Stay inside. Read some funny books.

This is Variant Covers. The rags I’m stoked on this week. Share your pull-list after the spiel ends.

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Bruce Wayne is a corporate fascist. Imposing his will outside of the jurisdiction of the law, causing Socrates and good willed citizens of the world alike to shake their head.  How many schools could Bruce Wayne build with the amount of money he’s spending to build his fascist rodent state?

Occupy Gotham.
Occupy Metropolis.
Occupy Emerald City.

(This is Variant Covers, your weekly guide to the comics I’m checking out this week. Your pull-list is encouraged to be shared.)

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Shucks howdy!, everyone. This is your friendly comic book column. You know, the one where I, the blather monster tell you all the comic books I’m interested in this week. You wrestle with your distaste for me, and ideally then let me know what you’re diggin’ on in the comments box.

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Every Wednesday I’m granted a brief reprieve from the quiet of my own mind. Every Wednesday in the form of images and words I’m given a myriad of different Universes to momentarily inhabit. Bulging muscles and metaphysical pontifications. Heroics and psychological demons. Every week. What a gift.

This is Variant Covers. Comic book column. The comics I’m snagging on a given week, or stoked upon. What are you reading? I’m interested.

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