#February2013
Behold! A gravity map of the Moon! You didn’t know you wanted this.
Using this map acquired through subterfuge (web browsing? WTF is that?), I intend on finding the top secret hideout of the Illuminati Trilateral Commission Group. You know, the one on the Moon where they plan all sorts of shit. Putting Prozac into our water. Convincing the mouthbreathers of the world that Big Bang Theory is funny. Canceling Rubicon. The truly nefarious acts. Once I find them, in a comfortable gravity pocket, then I begin building my rocket ship.
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RUSSIAN METEOR was largest in more than a century at over 10,000 tons.
That Russian meteor that struck all over their face last week? Way bigger than initially suspected. Like, I can’t do the math, but a lot. In fact, the energy that was released was more than 30 times than that of the atomic bomb detonated over Hiroshima. G’damn.
Largest solar sail, ‘SUNJAMMER’ setting out into space in 2014. FLY FREE, FRIEND.
All I know about solar sails comes from Arthur C. Clarke, but most importantly – from Count Dookie or whatever from Attack on My Childhood: Episode 99. Motherfucker all flies away after hacking off Emo Hitler’s arm, utilizing some sort of sailing device. Uh. Anyways, we have them as well, I guess. And a massive one is setting out in 2014, probably to hunt down Count Dookie and slay the living shit out of him.
NASA’s next robot moon walker is ATHLETE, promises to elegantly dispose our corpses.
Just build them up! Yes, keep building these beautiful, and elegant robots. Nothing is going to make the robot apocalypse more delicious than momentarily contemplating how we created these versatile killing machines. Ones that now, thanks to NASA, go hang out on the moon afterwards.
This galaxy is a GRAND SPIRAL of cosmic enormity.
Check out this resplendent Grand Spiral galaxy. Perched only a completely inaccessible 40 million light-years away is a galaxy that is somewhat like our own. So the wizards say. I don’t know if they tell the truth. I just smile and look at the pretty pictures.
NASA thinking about mission to capture 550-ton asteroid and drag it into a lunar orbit.
NASA, yeah! I like their seemingly new approach. Let’s think about wonky things! If I’m reading this story correctly, they’re thinking of putting together a giant fondue bowl of blood and guts on the Moon where gladiators in zero-g suits swing blades and particle rifles at one another! Let’s make it so. If I’m reading the story incorrectly, they’re probably thinking about dragging an asteroid. Which is sort of cool too.
The Collisional Ring Galaxy got that post-crash sexiness.
Look at NGC 922 all wilin’ out and shit. It’s got itself a decent sized collection of black holes, and nobody seems to know why. I mean, I think I have the answer but no one will listen to me. It’s trans-dimensional unicorns who use the reality-skin of that cluster as their interdimensional warp point. Every time they make a jump, it punctures the fabric just a bit more. Obviously. Right? Is this the DayQuil talking?
NASA has discovered organic compounds on Mars. Or not. Equivocating like woah.
It’s time to get excited, while simultaneously not getting excited! NASA has unveiled that they’ve found organic compounds on Mars, except maybe they’re not from Mars. Yeah, wait, huh? Am I excited, or not? I have this pint of apple-urine deliciousness, but I need to know if I’m throwing it on a flower or drinking it with a smile. Someone. Tell me.
NASA discovers that MERCURY has water at its poles. G’damn space miracle.
How is this for unexpected. The planet closest to the Sun sports frozen water and its poles. The barren ball of Space Hell may contain the building blocks of life. Or something. God. Damn. Fascinating. Lord, I love it when scientist wizards find something so completely counter-intuitive to common beliefs. The mysteries of the Universe give our arrogance the finger, lurking behind the pale of discovery.
Cassini captures Saturn’s enormous space swagger.
G’damn! Saturn is quite large. This gorgeous picture was snapped back in August by Cassini, and it captures the true hulking might of the planet named after a video game system. That’s where it came from, right? Shame it couldn’t have been named after a more wonderful gaming system, but hey. Who could have known?
