#April2013
White House says NASA’S NEXT BIG MISSION is capturing an asteroid. Aiiiiiiight.
Watch out, asteroids. Your days of romping about the space neighborhood with unfettered access shall soon be over. Uncle Sam is aiming NASA at its next goal, and it is to capture an asteroid. It ain’t exactly Mars, but….I don’t know. Yay?
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Hubble breaks record for FURTHEST SUPERNOVA ever detected.
Hubble has broken its previous record for the furthest supernova explosion ever detected. It’s like, really, really, really far away. Would probably take Superman like three or four days to get there. (And he’s faster than the Flash.)
MARS CURIOSITY back to active status after two days in ‘safe mode.’ Rise, Rover. Rise!
You can’t keep a Mars Rover down. The little Johnny-5 (that is how I picture it, okay?) has risen out of the ashes of two days of safe mode. Blast it with cosmic rays, it’ll just take a nap for a few days. Now the little nuclear-powered fucker is ready to continue tilling the Red Planet for all of us.
MARS ROVER has findings that confirm the Red Planet was once capable of life. Bradburyboner.
The Mars Curiosity Rover Guy has found conditions on the aforementioned Red Planet that suggest the planet was once suitable for life. The real question becomes (obviously), when did we destroy Ares before we fled here to the Blue Marble? Don’t fuck with me, I’ve seen the face on the planet and everything. It makes sense. Tell me, Illuminati! Tell me!
The HEART NEBULA beats with awesome. Take my puns into your soul!
It’s Monday. I pounded a good old liter of Pepsi Max on the way to work. The result is a collision between your eyes and my horrible puns. May they eviscerate the softer tissues of your meat sack, allowing my infection to spread. Oh yeah, this post is about space or something.
“ULTIMATE’ building blocks of life found in interstellar space. I find it all confusing.
There is so much goddamn wizardry afoot in this article right here. Using telescopes or whatever to see molecules or something in deep space. Building blocks of life. All of it. All of it makes my nose bleed in a wonderful manner.
“VULCAN” wins Pluto’s moon-naming poll. Plus! Three-headed dogs.
The Vulcans have won, folks. Led by Spock, they have claimed victory in the poll which was deciding the name of two of Pluto’s moons. Pretty gnarly.
Curiosity’s self-portrait panorama on MARS is vanity gone Red Planet.
When Curiosity goes sentient and begins building the robo-colony on Mars, we shall be able to point towards this day as the beginning. It is the day in which the crawler-thang began snapping selfies, sending the Universe glimpses at its torso. Who can blame curiosity for its ascent into nascent self-awareness. It has sailed the solar winds, landing on the Red Rock. Once there, it began doing what millions of humans dream of undertaking. Such wonderful acts activate the human-laced upbringings in its core, drudging out the hubris of its makers.
Newly discovered planet is the size of the MOON. Pluto is like, indignant.
The Space Wizards have found us a new exoplanet, and this one is fucking small. How small? We’re talking about as small as the round mound of Cheese that we like to call the Moon. Space Cheese. Pluto is probably pretty upset about this news, as it continues to deny the fact that its demotion wasn’t purely based on its size. Give it up, Pluto!
Saturn’s got itself some HEXAGONAL CLOUDS, ain’t nobody know why.
Why does Saturn have hexagonal clouds? That’s a great, great question. Few minds have solved the riddle, and often those bodies have been found discarded in the dumpsters at the local Wendy’s Burger and Diarrhea emporium. Dare you attempt to solve the puzzle? Then dive further into this here article.
