#March2014
‘TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION’ Trailer: Marky Mark Is A Prime Father
This is a trailer for the upcoming movie Transformers: Age of Extinction. A pseudo-documentary about Marky Funky, his smokeshow daughter, and their quiet life. They find a truck and attempt to repair it in order to fund smokeshow’s college degree. I imagine it’s a quiet film. A contemplative one. Focusing on the bond between father and daughter. Between man and the resilient steel that shall outlast us all. Prolly a Focus Features movie. Not sure.
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‘GODZILLA’ OFFICIAL TRAILER: The LIZARD KING is s**ting on our livessss
Good God (of Lizards) with a side of fuck creme! Am I really going to dig this movie? If the cryptic and vague tea leaves that constitute an official trailer are to be believed (perhaps foolishly), the answer is an emphatic yes.
‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ Full Trailer: Middle Finger from the Space A-Holes
Whelp. Here it is. First trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy. A marauding raccoon. Jacked dudes. Patented Chris Pratt humor. Spaceships. That giant-ass tree-thing. Zoe as a smoldering green babe. I’m fucking sold.
‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ Trailer Teaser: Space Lord Mutha Mutha
I’m so jacked and pumped for Guardians of the Galaxy. So jacked! So pumped! It looks exactly like nothing Marvel’s done before, and that’s goddamn glorious. I’m like one of Chris Pratt’s glorious pectoral muscles. Pumped with blood, heaving, sweaty.
And stuff.
‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ Test Footage: Gun-Murdering Raccoon Time
There is a Guardians of the Galaxy trailer coming down the pipe, so we should all be excited for that. However, what if we’re so excited that our nipples are leaking? Our nose is running? Well bad news — that means you’re probably dying and not actually excited. However!, if it is excitement, I have something to sate you. Some fucking GNARLY test footage featuring Groot and Rocket Raccoon opening cans. Of Dat Whup Ass.
‘AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2’ Trailer #3: Parker’s Dad, the Rogue Scientist
First half of this trailer: Oh man being Spider-Man is fucking glorious, I’m funny and my nuts are huge from radioactivity, things are fun. Second half of this trailer: LOL nvm mind that here’s a tonally inconsistent trailer being Spider-Man actually sucks, post script: everyone I love dies because I wear a leotard.
‘TRANSCENDENCE’ Trailer: WONKA AND THE SINGULARITY FACTORY
Johnny Depp’s technological theorizing ass gets capped, so they upload said theorizing ass into a computer. WHAT EVER COULD GO WRONG. Looks gorgeous, can’t tell if I’m intrigued or hate how obvious it seems. Surprise me, Wally Pfister. You’re already titillating my eye-socket orbs.
What do you all think?
‘CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER’ TV Spot: Cap America Takes It Off!
Awww yeah, Cap! You take that mask off for me! Hunka hunka burning Patriotism. Seriously though. Thirty-seconds of Winter Soldier action right here. How much new stuff? Prolly pretty much like .0002 seconds. I dun care! It dun matter! Stoked.
‘GODZILLA’ Trailer: FEAR, TREMBLING, AND A LIZARD.
Holy fuck. After Amazing Spider-Garfield 2’s righteous trailer last week, I’m now o-2 when it comes to predicting how much I’ll enjoy a movie’s cinematic cock tease. Didn’t expect to like the trailer for Godzilla, but here I am. Digging the visuals. Loving the tone. Appreciating what I believe is a cut for 2001’s OST.
‘ROBOCOP’ Trailer: Refried Robo-Bits
You know, I wouldn’t have thought many people would care about the trailer for the RoboCop remake. But my Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr feeds suggest differently. So uh — here it is! I am quite the fan of the original, so mannn…I don’t know. Color me skeptical. What do you think?!
