Like a month ago or some fuck, there was buzz that the Russo Bros were going to return to the Marvel Fold and direct Captain America 3: The US Is My Only Lover. Flash forward (making a fucking whoosh sound like you do, fools!) a month, and now the buzz has crystalized into fact.

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Apparently there’s an enormous as fuck Jedi apprentice role in the new Warring Stars flick. And said role is now down to five actors.  As a sweaty loser with a Wampa butt plug, I’m going to sweat Episode VII pretty much regardless. Of anything. But there’s one dude on this list that would absolutely fucking break my dick. We’re talking rocketing out of the crotch of my Wicket cosplay and impaling my cat type level of excitement.

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Liam Neeson! Bro! Are you even fucking serious? I got problems with you twice over. Now understand that I’m a fan of Daniel Craig, his craggy face, and his rendition of Bond. So I’m somewhat content. But fuck man, you turned down Bond?! To star in Non-Stop? Unknown Taken 2? (I loved the first one.) Damn, man. And if that ain’t bad enough — now you gotta tell us all about the fact that you turned down the role?

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You’ll notice that my headline has a lot to do with Das Racist (or Nas if you prefer), and very little to do with this clip. ‘Cause I’m fucking done! I can’t keep treating myself to these clips, or there ain’t going to be a movie left to peep. But hey if you want to check it out, apparently it’s the first encounter between Cap and The Winter Guy.

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I am Caff-Pow’s rough fetishizing of Fight Club. The latest totem in my gooey satchel of Fight Club worship is a new installment of 8-Bit Cinema. The crew over at 8-Bit take Hollywood flicks and runs the movies through the digitizing wunderstation, transmuting them into old school gaming relics. Though through their own admittance they say this installment is more 16-Bit. Either way, a serious fucking throwback. It’s fantastic.

Hit the jump to check it out.

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I say fucking god dammit! All a man wants to do is find the gorgeous, gorgeous covers to the Days of Future Past by John Byrne. But I don’t get that! Oh no! Instead I’m ocular-fucked by a cavalcade of heinous renditions of Quicksilver and shit. Jesus Lord save me. A thousand plagues of locust upon the House Singer! Upon the House Fox!

Hit the jump to glimpse into the Singer darkness.

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I am not familiar with Kim Soo Hyun, but soon all the fanboys in the world such as myself shall be quite acquainted. The actress has been cast in Avengers 2: Age of James Spade. And more interestingly, Marvel ain’t talking about her role. MUCH INTRIGUE.

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This new Star Wars flick certainly ain’t the usual J.J. Abrams enterprise. Leak after leak after leak. One can only imagine the sort of sphincter-tightening anger and fear he’s feeling on a weekly basis as new details dribble out of the Episode VII anus. The latest? Oh just what Carrie Fisher will be up to for six months.

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Stanley Kubrick passed away fifteen years ago? Dios mio, mang. Getting old. The rickety bones. Mortality’s Scythe is looming, with incontinence already kicking in. I shall apply the momentarily salve of this glorious tribute to Stanny from Alexandre Gasulla upon my rotting corpus, knowing I’ll join Kubrick in the Ether someday (soon?).

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Snowpiercer finally has its United States release date! And fucking guess what! It may be coming out in the summer, but the Weinstein Czars certainly have buried the release in a pile of the proverbial frosted flakes! Holy shit.

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