#March2014
Fox announces dates for ‘FANTASTIC FOUR 2’, ‘WOLVERINE’ sequel & MYSTERY MARVEL PROJECT
You know what they say. You can’t hold a flailing franchise down! I mean, fuck. Despite rumors that they may gut the entire fucking Fantastic Four corpse and start anew five months prior to filming (please keep Michael B. Jordan), Fox has already announced a date for the sequel. And the Wolverine sequel. And a “mystery” Marvel project.
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David Fincher wants CHRISTIAN BALE to play Steve Jobs in biopic.
Remember that Steve Jobs flick that Aaron Sorkin was writing the script for? Don’t worry. I completely forgot about it too. You know, the sheer awesomeness that was Ashton Ketchup’s movie about Jobs vaporizing even the idea that there could be another movie about the same topic. But low and fucking behold! The Sorkin joint still exists. Fincher is directing. And get this! Christian Bale may play Jobs.
‘CAPTAIN AMERICA 3’ could feature “Psychotic 1950s Cap”
When Steve Rogers plunged his silly ass into the ocean (if you go by movie canon, agreed, okay, shut the fuck up), he didn’t just take the world’s only super soldier out of the game. He ripped a piece of glorious propaganda out of the hands of the United States to employ during the Cold War. So what is a government to do? Find another Cap! Generate a facsimile. Captain America 3 could follow more Brubaker goodness and explore what happens when the Captain America stand-in goes fucking apeshit.
‘PACIFIC RIM 2’ still a possibility. Thar be a Kaiju in me pants. Roaring.
Pacific Rim. Sort of bombed, you’re thinking? Maybe, sorta. But this is the 233rd Century, according to the Meth Head Shaman outside 7-Eleven. Boundaries are illusory, Human Consciousness is Global. Which means, he said as he picked a wart off his cock-tip, that we must consider worldwide earnings when it comes to movies.
Guys behind ‘LEGO MOVIE’ may direct ‘GHOSTBUSTERS 3’.
Phil Lord and Chris Miller are in talks to direct the third Bustin’ Ghosts (BUSTIN’ MAKES ME FEEL GOOD) flick. Is Ghostbuster 3 an appropriate homage, or in bad taste, after the passing of Harold Ramis? I’m torn. However should it get made, this stellar combination may be helm the beast.
‘AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2’ Final Trailer: A CHOIR MEANS SRS, k?
Oh boy! A fucking choir and poignant proclamations in this trailer! So while it seems that Parker seems to be pretty stoked to be Spider-Man, I’m imagining his house of cards shall come tumbling down. ‘Cause though he seems to like all of that fucking shit when times are good, I’m interested to see how stoked he is when the villains shit down his lungs and he snaps Gwen’s neck with webbing. Sad Spider-Boner then, I imagine.
Marvel drops ‘AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON’ concept art, featuring Hulkbuster vs. Hulk throwdown.
Oh yeah! Wait — that Marvel: Assembling The Universes and Shit special was on tonight? On ABC? I didn’t catch it. Forgot. Thankfully for my ass, every fucking website is posting the concept art that Marvel revealed during it. There’s some dope stuff within, but I’m pretty sure everyone is just going to be stroking, slapping, or rubbing it to one piece of art in particular. Tony Stark’s Hulkbuster armor going head to head with the Hulk. Goddamn. Hulkbuster. Boner. Hulkbuster. Say it again, baby. Hulkbuster.
‘EPISODE VII’ takes place 30 YEARS after ‘JEDI.’ Sort of figured?
In what is “news” (that I am covering and thereby PERPETUATING LIKE A PIECE OF CRAP), Disney has announced that Episode VII is going to take place 30 years after the events of Jedi. Well! They certainly couldn’t say it was six years after. I mean, after all — the original actors look like they’re either fucking models for adult diapers or warning labels against doing drugs as a youth. Chewed-up meat lookin’ motherfuckers.
‘EPISODE VII’ News: Lupita Nyong’o up for a role!
I’ll cop to it. I haven’t seen 12 Years A Slave yet. So I don’t know first-hand how good of an actress Lupita Nyong’o happens to be. However, I do know what she won a fucking Oscar, and multiple friends are enamored with her. So I’m more than happy to justify my excitement at her joining the cast of Episode VII (potentially) with those two reasons.
‘X-MEN: APOCALYPSE’ Details: 1980’s Period Piece, TONS OF DESTRUCTION.
So X-Men: Apocalypse is going to be a 1980’s period piece? Maybe it’s because it’s the Friday before Spring Break, but I can’t muster up my usual contempt for Singer. It’s not there. I’m surfing a Sudafed/Monster Energy buzz that is glazed over with a healthy slathering of contentment. So I’ll say this: I hope it’s good. There. (But it won’t be because Singer is a hack and the X-Universe is a mess.)
