What’s up, good cretins? It’s Wednesday! The second best day of the week! Only being trumped by Thorsday, where myself and several other chaps dress up like The Odinson and have Thorgasms under the Slurpee machine at 7-Eleven. Mjölnir goes places, man! But what would Thorsday be, without Comic Book Day? Nothing! For I shant have such urges if it were not for the weekly arrival of the funny books. They’ve shaped me, my psyche, and the floor of convenience stores across the nation in ways we can only theorize about. This week in funny books sees People Totally Sinning, a Return to the Trees, Miles Morales’ posthumous idol, and more. Strap-in and check out the books I’m picking up, and then hit the comments selection with your own choice cuts.

A full list of this week’s comics can be found HERE.

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Listen, I like Loki. He gets Thor all brooding and shit, really darkening the Lightning Lord’s mood and making his beard really pop. Get his Mjölnir throbbing and such. So I dig the character. But I don’t know how I’d feel about a solo film starring him. 12,000 other people? They don’t share my uncertainty.

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This picture is not as enticing as Alison Brie as Captain America, but Amber Heard doesn’t pull on the geek-cache like the former. Former? It is former, right? Anyways, yeah. Still rules. Also, I tried looking for credit for this picture to no avail. If you’re responsible, bless you. And let me know.

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[Source: karismatic]

What the fuck is going on here, exactly? Unlike last week’s reveal of Kobe Brytant wielding the Infinity Gauntlet, 2/3 of this picture makes no sense. First off, there’s no way a self-absorbed douchebag like Lebron James would wield Captain America’s shit. Fucking preposterous. He’s someone like Norman Osborn. For years, he was totally tricking everyone, casting a spell so they thought of him virtuous. But now we all see his god damn goblin visage. Unless they’re riffing on Rob Liefeld’s classic Captain America atrocity. In which case, yes, James’ ego is as out-of-proportion as Liefeld’s anatomy.

And Kobe in Iron Man garb? Well, I suppose they’re both talented and self-aggrandizing douchebags. Still though.

I’m totally sold on Durant wielding Mjöllnir though. Like Thor, he’s a third beast that’s often overlooked, but still carries some righteous fury in his frame.

Alright, I’m totally done being a dork about this. Artwork is dope, too.