#March2012
FABLE: HEROES Turns RPG Series Into Brawler. Looks 10x Better
No one really gives a fuck about the Fable franchise besides Peter Molyneux. Don’t lie. You don’t. You don’t. It’s tepid at best. Filler at its least threatening. However in a week of leaks, Xbox.com has let forth info on Fable: Heroes early. First impressions? It’s an arcadey co-op brawler. It looks awesome.
Hit the jump for images.
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Video: Microsoft Pimps Kinect-Enabled Shopping Cart. Sloth ++
Listen, let’s all calm down with bringing the Skynet Cylon revolution into our fucking grocery stores. Well, anymore than it already is. I mean, laziness is good and all. I get it. You want to be fat. You want to ride your scooters around Walmart while you buy shit you don’t need. That said, we need to draw the line somewhere. I’m drawing it at having a Kinect-enabled Fascist Robot Shopping Cart point out when you’re buying the wrong spaghetti.
Hit the jump for more info, and the horror.
Master Chief Design From ‘Halo 4’ Revealed By…Action Figure.
Much like the Avengers’ villain, the Master Chief we’ll be controlling in Halo 4 has been revealed in toy form. Have to love conventions, and marketing blasts, and data download hyper-pipes. I made up one of those things. Anyways.
Hit the jump to peep him out, yo.
Rumor: ‘Xbox 720’ To Have HD Touchscreen Controller. SO MUCH GIMMICK.
When I think of a new Xbox, my groin swells and I get lightheaded. Xbot!, reporting for duty. Newest rumor? Microsoft is seeing Nintendo a Kinect, and raising them a new touchscreen controller.
Suicide Threats At Xbox 360 Plant? E’gads.
Suicide is a big problem at product plants around the world. Our shiny iPhones get produced for us, commodified, and we seldom stop to contemplate the shiznit that goes into making them! Alas. Things are getting serious at a Microsoft plant, with mass threats of suicide.
Rumor: Patents Show Next ‘Xbox’ Will Also Be A DVR.
Microsoft is continuing to push their Console-As-Set-Top-Box. They have FiOS access currently, they’re adding Xfinity soon, and if these patents are being interpreted correctly, their next console will double as a DVR.
Home Robbery Happens During Xbox Live Match, Other Gamer Notifies Police. Community!
During the wee hours of Tuesdays morning, a dude was engaged in some quality Xbox-ing when his home was broken into. It was dire circumstances! However, thanks to the quality community of Xbox Live (lol right?), the police were notified.
Next ‘Kinect’ To Be So Accurate As To Read Lips. Thought Police Cackle.
I already thought it was creepy when it turned out that the Kinect could figure out what sort of clothing we’re wearing and report it to advertisers. The next Kinect? Motherfucker is going to be reading your lips.
The Xbox Turns 10 Years Old Today. Jesus I’m Getting Old.
The Xbox! I got it, and didn’t use it much. Knights of the Old Republic, and the Halo titles. That was about it. It served up easy ridicule in the form of its garish system and its initial controllers. Yet. Yet…Yet I still love the son of a bitch.
Microsoft Proclaims Cloud Gaming ‘The Distant Future’, Cloud Services Coming To Xbox.
Microsoft’s Brian Prince has spoken, and the words tumbling out of his mouth proclaim Cloud Gaming the distant future. Oh! Intangibility! How I long to pay good money for nothing more than bits and bytes. Bits and bytes that aren’t even loaded onto something I own.
