#August2012
‘MASS EFFECT 3’ Leviathan DLC is dropping August 28. We…care?
Mass Effect 3 is finally getting some DLC that isn’t promising to fix the ending. Those lasses and lads at BioWare really through themselves off their schedule when they decided to shit directly into the game code after about thirty hours of fun. They’ve finally doubled back around though, and are ready to release some new content.
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Rumor: IMAGE from the KINECT 2 sensor leaked.
Skynet is upgrading its wares, infiltrating the next generation of Kinect sensors and the shit. Soon it will be able to accurately track the motions of your hand as you masturbate. Despite turning the system off, the camera will be on. Aware. Recording your furry habits.
Press Start: Homebrew & Homo-eroticism
Friends, I have undergone massive, personal changes this week. I decided to finally turn my back on the dark arts and have since ceased to be a necromancer, instead choosing to focus my powers on the noble art of aquamancy. It was a huge change for me and my family and we are slowly learning to live our lives without summoning hordes of the undead to do our bidding. It’s tough. On the plus side though: you need some water conjured? Bam, I’m there.
Obviously, there is more to my life than sorcery: video games, for example. Here’s what happened in them this week.
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ hype machine begins with viral ‘Epsilon Program’ site dogging Scientology.
Vroom! Vroom! That’s the awful-pun sounds of Grand Theft Auto V‘s marketing campaign kicking off. Ain’t never been no sacred cows in the line of this franchise, and now it appears that Scientology will be getting dragged through the mud in the fifth installment. Fantastic.
Gearbox Software CEO: I can’t believe gaming industry hasn’t copied ‘BORDERLANDS’ yet.
Randy Pitchford is shocked that no one in the gaming industry has copied Borderlands yet. Now that you mention it, so am I. It’s like Diablo, only first-person stylee. It’s like Diablo III, but good. In fact, the sequel is my most desired title of the year. Get it! get it!
‘GEARS OF WAR: JUDGMENT’ Dropping Next MARCH. Roid Up, Rock Out.
The turnaround time on the next Gears of War joint is significantly mitigated in comparison to previous entries. Get ready to rock out prequel stylee early next year.
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ TRAILER: Full ‘LION KING’ Treatment For Our Horror-Win
Borderlands 2 goes In The Jungle. Wasn’t what you were expecting, but god dammit you’ll fucking love it.
TRENT REZNOR Does ‘BLACK OPS 2’ Theme Song. Ehhhhhh, Que?
Imma buy and play Black Ops 2, because it has joined Thanksgiving and gaining twenty pounds as perennial November habits of mine. Now I know I’ll be partying to a uh, wait what?, theme song by Trent Rezzy when I boot the fucker up.
Microsoft Buys ‘XBOX 8’ Domain Names; Well It’s Better Than 720.
The Microsoft Leviathan has gobbled up a string of names under the “Xbox 8” umbrella. You can only think maybe they’re going to tea-bag their next console with a title that dove-tails into their upcoming operating software update.
