#November2010

Wallet Rape! $150 Kinect Costs $56 To Put Together

Looking for more reasons to hate Kinect? Well, how about that piece of shit that costs $150 only costs $56 to put together? Would that chap your ass? Ignite your asshole in rage?

Destructoid:

We all know Microsoft is selling Kinect at a tidy profit, but according to a recent report on the cost of parts, it borders on the obscene. The parts to put Kinect together cost roughly $56, meaning the $150 gadget is raking in quite a few pennies per sale.

“Basically, the strength of the design is the huge design win for the Israeli fabless company PrimeSense,” says  UBM TechInsights marketing manager  Allan Yogasingam. “They’ve provided the most innovative portion of the Kinect with their image processor, audio and video interface.”

I think the obvious caveat is that this son of a bitch cost a fucking shit ton in research and development. So although they may be able to slap this thing together relatively cheaply, there’s some serious money that went into creating it. I mean, fuck, the original prototype cost $30,000. Still though, you have to sit there and irrationally swear that they’re marking the piece of crap up a hundred dollars. Just ignore the other side of the argument and get pissed fanboys and fangirls. Pissed!

Hack Away! Microsoft Kinect Hacked To Run on The Mac OS

Theo Watson is a man with some impressive skills. Well, to me at least. I don’t know if he’s like, totally wizard or whatever to other geniuses. But to me? Dude is awesome. The good chap has hacked a Microsoft Kinect, and gotten it to run on a Mac OS. Barely a week after launch! Guffaw! I don’t know the practical applications of it up to this point, but I’m not sure there’s a practical application I can think of for Kinect, in any regard.

None the less, it’s pretty cool. And with this talented man opening up the Kinect to the Mac OS, I can only assume it’ll thusly open up possibility for other people to fuck around with.

Hit the jump for a video of it in motion.

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Microsoft Kinect Launches Today; It Still Sucks!

Ah, it is finally here. The day that Microsoft launches Kinect. The device that lets you karate chop, finger-bang animals, and Minority Report your way to dumbassery. Thank goodness. I was waiting for it to come out. That way my annoyance can reach critical mass. I had to slap down my Nana today for dropping a banana peel. Her head spun around like a god damn Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot. As she writhed on the ground, I tried to explain myself.

Sorry Nana, video games made me do it. It’s the new motion controls! They’re a bad influence! I just want to karate chop everything. I can’t tell real from fake anymore. It’s the violence! No, don’t you dare call my psychiatrist! They’ll never take me alive! Alive!

Then I dove out the window. I am typing this under shelter of fallen leaves and raindrops. Wi-Fi is a helluva thing.

But seriously Kinect can go fuck itself. I’ve never felt so little excitement over an add-on. And this is coming from the guy who bought a Sega CD and a 32X. I totally had to have them.

Dropping an honest bomb on your ass, a part of Kinect appeals to me. As a technology whore, I can be a turned on by the idea of manipulating menus with my hands. I would love to totally don my duster jacket, sweet reflective shades, and pretend I’m in Neuromancer. I can imagine the hours I’d spend manipulating the dashboard, while manipulating my dong-bot. Enhance! I’d say. Enhance! I’d command. Sure nothing would happen, but I’d be living out a Gibsonian dream that I’ve fantasized about for years.

Hand manipulation? Facial recognition? Speech commands? It’s something out of my wet dreams.

The problem is that I simply don’t give a fuck about the games. I own a Wii. It sits in the corner, gathering dust. Every once in a while I take a moment to demean it.

You underpowered piece of shit! Where’s your HD? LOL AT YOU. YOUR PENIS IS SMALL AND YOUR BREATH STINKS. STINKS.

It only murmurs, hurtfully.

I don’t need to spend a $150 for something whose only marketing value to me is a sweet-ass way to get through a dashboard. I don’t need to pet animals, or do dance moves, or play tennis. I can do all that shit in real life. And if you know anything about me, it’s that I pet animals daily. That’s not to mention the fact that my dance moves are fucking elite. Seriously, I cut a rug like a son of a bitch. White guy funk drizzled in insanity, motherfuckers.

It’s a sweet ass piece of technology that beckons to me, like a Siren’s Call. But underneath that is the fact that it’s a gimmicky utensil of bullshit. If I’m being completely honest, they’ve almost won me over. Not for $150, but the allure of gadget-stroking. Perhaps my vitriol is so manifest because I can see myself staring down the chasm of douchery. It calls to me, yet I know how much I detest a good portion of what it stands for.

Stay strong, fight the fight. Say no to gimmicky motion controls, even if they harbor the allure of living within science fiction orgasm. You don’t need to play hopscotch with your grandma and grandpa. I promise.

More Proof Kinect Sucks: Purple F-ing Cases!

Kinect games are going to be in purple boxes.

What the fuck is this bullshit, pendejo! More proof that Kinect fucking sucks: purple boxes. What the frak?! Everyone knows that the green cases were an obvious homage to one thing: Mountain fucking Dew. Or as I call it, the x-treme nectar of the gods that I pound in limitless excess during a gaming session. So what is this bullshit?! Purple?! This is kiddie Barney the Dinosaur dogshit! Or dinosaur shit, rather!

How dare they anger Lord Caffeinus, purveyor of all gaming and x-treme and totally wicked behavior! There’s an ass-smiting coming, and Microsoft is on deck.