Greetings, Earthlings! Martians! Transdimensional Omnigendered Omnisexual Multi-Dolphins! This is Monday Morning Commute. It’s currently Memorial Day here in the Empire, which means most of us are stuffed with hormone-soaked meats and oat sodas. But sadly the day shall pass, the long weekend shall end, and we will be (those of us fortunate enough to have the days off) staring into the Gaping Maw of the Work Week. This column is the various things I am looking forward to, to yank me through the shortened grind. Share your own dalliances, fools!

Read the rest of this entry »

Oh Shit! Caff-Pow up in your cereal! Eating allllllllllllllllll the fucking marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, and you’ll like it! Anyways so yeah it appears that Rendar is still locked in the fucking bathroom or something. His cock stuck, somehow simultaneously sizzling and dripping, in his Ryan Gosling plushie. So it’s me. You. And our choices for Monday Morning Commute. The rundown on what we’re looking forward to this week.

Read the rest of this entry »

I hate August.  It is my least favorite month.  It’s hot, it’s sticky, and worst of all, no holidays.  There’s no prebuilt excuse to engage in revelry.  So while we find ourselves in the center of this horrid month, let’s look fondly towards days of celebration.  You’ll notice a distinct lack of gift giving holidays on my list.  Some people think it’s because I hate fun.  Other people guess it’s because I was hatched a fully formed adult and have never been a wide-eyed child, anxiously awaiting treats.  My response to those claims is that they are false.  It’s because I hate the bullshit pretense that is built around them, especially when I am in no way affiliated with the religion that spawned them. Also I have no family.  I will never stop hating the pretense built into gift giving holidays, but if I did have a family, I’d suck it up and deal with it for them.

Read the rest of this entry »

With the stink of Memorial Day weekend-promoted seared animal and sunshine still on my flesh, I bustle to bring you this week’s Variant Covers. Summer time always smacks of considerable events, the now common deluge of superhero flicks, and a good excuse to read some funny books in front of that big shiny star looming down at us. Per usual, I encourage readers to share their pull lists for the week. I can’t read everything, haven’t heard of your favorite niche comic but I’m interested, and often just like to look at slicing swords and telekinetic knives.

Hit me!

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Memorial Day weekend. Please don’t forget that even veterans of fictional, intergalactic wars need our support.

Perhaps more than ever.