BioWare has announced the next Mass Effect 2 DLC: Lair of the Shadow Broker, dropping uh, sometime. Apparently the DLC takes place in response to a bunch of hogwash bullshit that took place during Mass Effect 2 that we never saw. But was in a comic book.

Uh?

Isn’t like, some of this essential narrative information?

via kotaku:

After Shepard died in the beginning of Mass Effect 2, his blue-skinned friend Liara T’Soni fought a desperate battle to recover his body from the mysterious Shadow Broker. Now it’s time to settle the score.

Detailed in the Mass Effect 2 comic book series from Dark Horse, Liara went through hell to recover Commander Shepard’s remains from the mysterious information broker known as the Shadow Broker, delivering them to Cerberus, where our hero was eventually reconstituted.

Good god damn. I hate it when important plot points are used as selling points for various cross-merchandising. I would have liked to thank Miss Sexy Blue Skin for her efforts when I met her in one of my nineteen playthroughs of Mass Effect 2 for, you know, capturing my body and bringing it to get revived. Only fuggin’ Bioware didn’t let me know of this, because I didn’t read a comic.

Whatever.

In this DLC, you’ll be teaming up with Liara to storm the Shadow Broker and lay some whup down on his ass. Good. This douche has been a serious pain in Shepard’s ass since he double-crossed Tali back in the original. Let’s do this.

I love me some Mass Effect. And while I don’t think there’s anything in the cards for a Mass Effect MMO (as of yet, mind you), the idea of being able to romp around with fellow space-nerd-cadets in the Mass Effect universe makes me tingly and grin like a fucking asshole.

via kotaku:

A job listing reveals that Mass Effect developer BioWare Montreal is looking for a multiplayer programmer to “take existing single player user experiences and make them multiplayer safe.” Is Mass Effect going multiplayer?

…

“Multiplayer Programmers ensure the game engine and game systems work reliably and efficiently in a multiplayer environment. They work with both the front and back ends to take existing single player user experiences and make them multiplayer safe.”

…

It’s no confirmation, but then what else is BioWare working on that would require a multiplayer programmer? Right now they’ve got Dragon Age, Star Wars: The Old Republic, and Mass Effect, and the job posting singles out Mass Effect.

No confirmation, but it certainly suggests something in the works, no? Righteous. Most righteous.

For months I’ve been trying to get into Yeoman Chamber’s pants. Like, I really wanted to. I’ve spent all of my effort and suave nature trying to convince her to make the mistake of a lifetime.

And today I found out why. BioWare is a bunch of pussies, and don’t allow same-sex romances.

I stumbled across a ballin’ article today over at Kotaku in which the writer asked why same-sex bangings couldn’t happen to the Czar of Douchery or whatever over at BioWare. The response was something like “Blah blah blah, non-answer, blah blah, we’re pussies.”

First:
I can understand where they’re coming from. Sort of.

It makes complete sense that BioWare wants to market Mass Effect 2 to the greatest and most totally largest market imaginable. And having tons of dongs rubbing dongs and vaginas grinding vaginas would probably scare people away.

I mean, for me? It would have sold a second copy for me. Dongs rubbing dongs? I’m fucking in, man. But for all the homophobes, bible-fuckers, and toothless goobers out there that yesterday jerked off to their crucifix, it would have been an instant non-sale.

I think?

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[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Ah, someone suffering from the same plight as me. It seems that everyone who has played through Mass Effect 2 has arrived at the same conclusion: Yeoman Kelly is absolutely gorgeous, cute, not real but that’s okay, intelligent, and I need to bang her.

Well, everything that is worth attaining must be earned. And Yeoman Kelly’s moist goodness is just the same. Stick with it good friend, you’ll pull it off yet. Not that I have, I need to play through the title one more time. Chick hasn’t even made it out of my playthroughs alive yet.

And worst comes to worst, you can settle for sleeping with Jacob. I did.

Bioware geeks, rejoice in the resplendent glory of the Mass Effect 2 launch trailer. What happens in it? I don’t fucking know! I try to keep my exposure to everything ME2-relate to a minimum. Having lost my virginity at the age of thirty-nine, that’s right, twelve years in the future, I know a thing or two about waiting. But for those of you gluttons for awesome, check it out.

I’m guessing it’ll make you squirt the fluid happy.

Oh you go ahead and brood, John Shepard. I’ve read what sort of shit becomes of you in the opening stages of Mass Effect 2. And thankfully, I’m going to be rocking out with you soon enough. How have you been since our last encounter? I’ve been seeing Mass Effect 2 commercials, and even though they suck, they’ve been whipping me up into a froth.

One fucking week until Mass Effect 2 comes out. Sludging through the original game again has got me excited, and not just for the story but also for the improvements. Like a lot of shit in life, including that chick you hooked up with in a drunken fury, Mass Effect pales significantly when you see her for a second time. Or a third time. But you keep lovin’ her, ’cause she got something special about her.

…Yeah, I have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about anymore.

I’m on a Diet Mountain Dew binge, writing up a fucking storm and hoping to get a chance to cap my characters in the first Mass Effect. There’s a sexy list of bonuses you get for importing that shit. I’m currently level 56, six days to go. Lords of Caffeine and Insomnia, don’t fail me now.

Via Kotaku:

As seen outside the subway station one stop past Kotaku’s NYC office

Amidst the smell of piss and homeless person, awesome emerges in the form of Mass Effect 2 wall ads.