So you might be wondering why the hell a nearly 20-year-old film about cartoons and basketball is headlining this column about weekly comic books.  You might then also wonder how the hell 20 years have gone by so fast.  And why hasn’t there been a sequel…ya know, with Lebron and Jason Sudeikis in the lead roles?  This would lead you to then ask yourself if you could write the script.  Concluding that it is either you or no one else, you then set out to do so.  You hit up tumblr for some reference material on Looney Tunes.  You quickly spiral down the rabbit hole of ALL OF THE BUTTS WONDERLAND, emerging days later, pants around ankles, achy, groggy.  Your unfinished (unstarted) script gives you the stinkeye with its ever-blinking cursor.  You realize where the 20 years have gone.

Hit the jump and let’s pass the time between tumblr sessions, talk funnybooks, bond as humans.

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Hey, kids!  So it’s Wednesday, and I assume we’ve all calmed down after flipping our collective shits from the pop-culture orgy/last-train-to-nowhere that is the VMAs.  I’m old, and pop music gets me all kinds of jaded, but the VMAs still managed to teach me a lesson:  America THRIVES on nostalgia, even nostalgia that isn’t even 20 years old (see the above pic).  I, myself, am currently gushing over an “event” book that, when boiled down to its essentials, is nothing more than a comic scientifically engineered to tickle my 12-year-old pickle.  Thanos is my Justin Timberlake.  N’Sync are my Infinity Gems.  Comic books, particularly superhero ones, are every bit as nostalgic and regressive as the boy-bands and teen vixens of pop music.  So while I scoff at the proles going batshit over 10 year old hooks sang by grown men with receding hair lines trying their damndest to recreate moves no thirtysomething should have to attempt (looking at you Fat One), I massage my own nostalgia-boner to pretty pictures of ageless Avengers saddling up for one last ride into the aether in a story not quite called Infinity Gauntlet 2:  The Soich For More Money, but may as well be.

Say my name!  “Hypocrite.”  You’re goddamned right.

So hit the jump and let’s get nostalgic, shall we?

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James Spader. Don’t really think of him as a huge-movie, comic book motherfucker. But come 2015, all of that is going to change. The actor has signed on to play Ultron in Avengers: Age of Ultron Robots People. Interesting choice. I mean, I’m sure he’s capable. And wonderful. He’ll rock that dastardly robotic cock-fart excellently. Right? Still though, didn’t see this coming.

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Ultron is going to be different in Avengers: Age of Ultron. We know that. We know that because he ain’t going to be created by Ant-Man, a fact that still has certain sects of geeks furiously ripping their pubes out in rage. But how is he going to differ? This week in Entertainment Weekly J-Whedon opened up (a little bit, duh) about his take on Ultron.

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Lest you have forgotten, Avengers: Age of Ultron is going to double the amount of comic book characters on screen. By triple. Don’t run the math, it works. Trust me. One of the new characters debuting is Scarlet Witch. Who will be playing her? Maybe Elizabeth Olsen. Maybe.

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Shit man I don’t even care if it’s Tom Hiddleston in women’s clothing. Just give me Lady Loki. Or not. Whatever. But people fucking love the character. And Marvel seemingly knows this, as they’re going back to filming to add more of the God of Mischief.

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[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Share your plans for the weekend. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party. Drop a dumb GIF you found.]

Why hello, Friday. Pleasure to see you. How are all you folks doing? It’s the first Weekend Open Bar in a while. You know the rules. Pull up a soda, beer, hard liquor, and a dashing helping of pretzels. And thank talk among yourselves. What’s good this weekend?

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Hey, folks!  Johnny here, back again for another week of slingin’ philosophical about my favorite pastime!  Looking at this week’s releases, I was amazed at just how much great non-superhero fare there is to be read currently.  Not in a long time have I felt that the variety of books is SO great and SO varied, that it is the perfect time to introduce comics to friends and loved ones who might like comics, but maybe just don’t dig capes.  Here’s what I’d like to grab this week, and hit us up in the comments and tell us what you’re looking out for!

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A new trailer for the second movie starring the character that I proved last week is empirically the greatest superhero of all time. What more do you need? Fall to your knees and thank the Lightning Lord.

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I’m a liar.  A dirty, rotten scoundrel!  A nerf-herder of the highest proportion.  To find out why, hit the jump and let’s talk this week’s funnybooks!

“What the hell is Señor Hotsauce on about this week?” is the question pursed on everyone’s lips.  Or, it should be.

Simple.

I’ve been seeing my “ex” behind OL’s back.  In fact, I never left my ex.  I know I told you guys we could come here and talk comics in lieu of  going mobile and hitting up your local comic shop, but I just couldn’t stay away.  I love my comic shop, but I dig you guys, too!   So, if you’ll still have me, I’m gonna try and spread that love (and opinions on my favorite books this week) at both joints, and I urge you to do the same!  Sally-fucking-forth, comic nerds!

In fact, do me a favor and give a shout out to your LCS.  They deserve the attention.  Comic Book University in Greenwood, IN is where I hang my pull list.  Good folks who keep the new releases well stocked and the snark to a loving 11.  (Also:  ComiXology has a “virtual store” for participating joints, so that they, too, can get in on the digital-age action.  So make sure you ask your LCS if they’re involved.  It sends some coin their way and is at no additional cost to you, the consumer.)

Enough with the handjobbery!  What’s poppin’ off today?

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