[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]

What’s up fools! Drunk with Turkey Love? Gravy saturation? Hope your day of celebration was fantastic. Now begins the glorious protracted weekend. As you come back home from Black Friday sales, I welcome you to the column. Go wash the grandma blood off your hands – I understand you had to stomp her to get that LCD TV for $69.99. I get it. Draw the blinds, the cops are looking for you. Then sit down and contemplate the Thought Experiment I stole from a conversation at my own Thanksgiving dinner table.

You see, Marshawn Lynch wants to kill you.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s easy to make geeks splooge. Just throw some Super Mario Bros. sounds into something seemingly ill-fitting, and we’re already at half-mast. Take for example Marshawn Lynch’s ridiculous run against the Saints on Saturday. It was already amazing. But throw some Mario sound effects as a soundtrack? Stop, boner time!

Hit the jump for the video.

Read the rest of this entry »