#September2014
Check It. First color photo of Mars from India’s Orbiter
India’s Mars Orbiter is currently chilling, safely orbiting the Red Planet. Traveling the cosmic highways is done! Which means that it’s time to get the fuck down with the dirty stuff. Like sending us back gorgeous pictures.
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NASA’s new Mars-Orbiter, MAVEN, is officially in orbit
Around the Red Planet, the secret Steve Jobs and Richard Nixon-led Illuminati are scrambling. Trying to cover up their Pyramids and Installations with optical camouflage. You see those pesky NASA folks have gotten themselves a new Mars-Orbiter set to gather data on Ares. This is dope for us. Not so much for the Illuminati.
NASA intends to make oxygen from CO2 on Mars’ surface
Science-science-science-fiction up in this real (real?) world! NASA is strapping a fucking shitload of stuff onto their Mars 2020 rover. And one of them gadgets is MOXIE — a sumbitch’ that is intended to make oxygen from the CO2 is finds on the surface. Boom! Pow! Reality!
NASA tests Flying Saucer, it’s totally a success
It seems fitting that NASA is testing a Flying Saucer in hope it can help us get to Mars. Those fucking Illuminati-Martians have been rolling up on yokels in the middle of the night for half a century, abducting them to work on their terraforming projects. So when we finally take the fight to them, it makes sense we will be doing it in a vehicle not unlike their own.
Elon Musk: HUMANS on MARS by 2026. Oh. Okay.
I feel like every time I turn around Elon Musk is saying or doing something fucking wonky. Like, is this dude just talking out his ass these days because we’re all tuned into him? I ask because frankly I don’t want this Rich Prick getting my Space Fanboy Dick up at attention for nothing. Don’t tell me we’re on the Red Planet in twelve years unless you can deliver, bro.
51% of BITCOIN MINING done by one ANONYMOUS entity
And there will be BITCOIN FREEDOM FOR ALL CRYPTOCURRENCY FREEDOM FREEDOM DAMN THE MAN BORDERLESS DRUG BUYING. Except now it seems that 51% of Bitcoin mining is coming from one anonymous source. Who, if you know fucking anything about Life, is the Steve Jobs-led Illuminati on a terraformed Mars.
Report: NASA totally *can’t afford* manned missions to Mars
So like, bummer. NASA has issued forth a report that finds that the agency cannot afford manned missions to Mars. Inflation and all that happy horseshit precludes the Great Journey. But they ain’t giving up, instead asking the U.S. government to up said budget. C’mon, Uncle Sam. Hook it the fuck up.
NASA wants to send PLANET LIFE to Mars in 2020. G’luck.
NASA is fixin’ to send some plant life to the Red Planet in 2020. Listen, sounds cool. Right? But if I know one thing, it’s that the radiation on the planet’s surface is going to mutate this plant life. Create thirty-foot sentient Tree Beasts who will wait. Lurk. Build a tribe. And than annihilate the first humans to arrive. It has been written.
Still though, sort of fun?
NASA almost got its new MARS-LANDING TECHNOLOGY ready for test
Yes, NASA! Yes! Hurry up with your wunder-technologies. I need to get off this fucking Blue Marble. I got a list of debts a mile long, a warrant in my name, and a boyfriend with genital warts who isn’t particularly happy about me. And a fiance and she ain’t happy about me having that wart-covered boyfriend neither!
This MARS SUNSET is solar system sweetness
This is a picture of a sunset on Mars. Just kick back and imagine yourself beholding this beholden beauty upon the Red Dunes of Bradbury-Land. Pass the Space-Beer and the Red Martian Sticky, and let’s let infinity unfold in our minds.
