It is a melancholic Weekend Open Bar, friends. For while I open the doors to the Tavern with arms-spread welcomingly, the very cracking of the doorframe signals doom. Or namely, it signals the dusk of my Spring Break. A sad time. A bad time. Every moment a march towards the return to hour-and-a-half commute and pants. And pants! Oh, I haven’t worn a pair of real pants since last Saturday. My ever burgeoning waistline not tortured by restriction, nay, but instead comforted by the glory of an elastic waist.

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This is Monday Morning Commute. During Sprang Break! Spring Break! Sprang Spring Break Break! What’s up, meat-bags. How are the Feeds treating you? Do you feel well? Has your primal reptile-brain-piece been sated by the constant deluge of gifs, memes, lists, inconsequential SportNews, and other miscellany? Of course not. Of course not. We cannot ever get enough, for the Physical can never be Sated. Such is life. Such is life.

Upload your mind to a computer and face the horror that you cannot slough off Primordial Want simply when you slough off your mortal coil. Genetics transcend the Physical. They’re hard-coded into our circuits, no matter whether those circuits eat up meat-space or cyber-space.

But hey, that’s fucking okay. We’re in this together. Whether we’re nano-clouds in the NanoCloud, or whether we’re meat-monkeys in the HardSpace.

While we’re here, Here, or here, let’s share what we’re looking forward to this week. Let us share the various distractions that we hope will (and secretly know will not) fill the gaping maw in our Existential Guts.

I’ll go first. I hope you join me in the comments.

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Yeah! It’s Saturday. And I’m just opening up this weekend’s Open Bar. Which means, since OL is already pretty quiet these days, that it’s just going to be me rambling to myself about what I’m doing this weekend. That’s fine! I’ve brought this upon myself. I’ve brought this upon myself! But this is Weekend Open Bar, and name is Ian Omega-Caffeine Powered-Xavier Thunderkick.

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Hello, friends. Come in, come in. Grab your voucher for a free download of RelaxYourFatCorpus.exe and let the soothing algorithms greetyour meat-processor. It’s the weekend. This is the OpenBar. The weekly one-stop for the populace of Space-Ship OMEGA to gather. Take off our shoes. Take off our pants. Shake one another’s hands (?). Then straight DigiChill.

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I’m just tired today, man. I don’t know what is is, perhaps just a case of the Mondays? Or maybe I’m just feeling a bit of the ennui because there’s nothing I’m really looking forward to this week? Usually I have something to hang my hat on – a new episode of a fave show, a new comic book dropping, or at the very least, a movie to entertain my brain-box. This week, though? Nothing, man. Nothing new at least. Just the usual week. Sam’s going away Saturday for business, I’m still overeating, America’s Favorite Fascist keeps running primaries. It’s pretty much stasis for this guy.

But uh, I suppose I am digging some stuff? Maybe?

I’ll share my sweatings for the seven days coming. Then hopefully you inspire me.

This is Monday Morning Commute.

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Oh come all ye degenerates, the Bar is Open. It’s the Weekend. Let us gather around the slime-soaked tavern fire, spitting whimsy and regret. Spitting about what we’re doing this weekend. Be it a movie we’re going to see, a meal we’re going to eat, a transdimensional omnisexual Manta-Beast we’re going to bang.

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Got my sweatpants on. Got dinner in my guts. Got Monday Night RAW on the television. Life is good. Life is good. Typing out Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share what we’re looking forward to during a week. The movies that we wanna watch, maybe the albums that are hitting our ear drums, the comic books that are rocking our fanboy balls.

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I’m getting real shit at publishing a weekend column at the start of the weekend. Man! Fuck! But yesterday was busy, hopscotching from work, to dinner with a mentor, to an entire bag of Sour Patch Watermelons, to staring at the IdiotBox for three or so hours. I’m here now, though, and I’m hoping I can lure you in as well! This is Weekend Open Bar, the weekly column where we all hang out.

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Welcome to Monday Morning Commute, scum-lords. It’s a fairly nondescript week for me. Nothing really coming up. Maybe seeing a flick with the BetterHalf. Listening to TheMusic. Spending time in VideoGameWorld. Some weeks the world pops, with a litany of excitement awaiting me. Some weeks the world drags, offering up nothing special in the way of respite from the grind.

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It’s Weekend Open Bar! Let’s kick this off. With alacrity! The weekly column where the reckless degenerates and-or savory, wonderful souls of Space-Ship Omega gather. Holding hands, holding eye contact, we discuss with vim and vigor our Weekend Plans.

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