With thunder and lightning LOST returned this week to the epicness that we had all come to expect from the show. After a throwaway episode last week that left me at a frothing level of indignancy, this week threw so much at me that I have no idea how to begin to wrestle with the episode. Questions were answered, but as always, fourteen more took their place. Right after watchin’ this shit, I was like, fuck me, I have to make something intelligent out of the awesomeness that I just absorbed into my skull-plate. Because honestly, this is really all I wanted to say:

Fucking awesome!
Huh?
Jesus Christ!
Woah.
Huh?
What?
Holy fucking shit.
Tuesday is so far away.

That’s it man, that’s really it. The episode left my brain a gooey melange of confused awesomeness. But let’s try and think about this shit.

It seems obvious to start with the brain-shattering revelation that was why all of the peeps we have come to know are on the Island. Jacob beckoned them to the Island because he’s been searching for a substitute. Get it? Get the title of the Island? Yeah, me too. And from the looks of the scrawlings on the inside of whatever sort of damp, creepy cave the Man in Black brought Sawyer to, he’s been going at it for a long, long fucking time. As well, we finally get to see what the numbers were for. Sort of. MiB tells Sawyer that “Jacob had a thing for numbers”, which sort of explains why they’ve been fucking everywhere, but uh, not really. That said, I’m completely fine with that being the explanation behind them even if they don’t elaborate any further.

Of all the mysteries of the Island, this is one of the ones I give the least shit about.

It’s also worth noting that The Freckled Hussy wasn’t one of the ones that MiB mentioned being summoned to the Island. I know this because I turned to my friend Tommy and said fourteen times, “You sure she wasn’t shown? You sure? You sure? Totally sure? I should shut the fuck up? Okay, yeah…You sure?” Does Jacob’s heir have to be male? That seemed to be what we dragged out of it.

More of MiB’s revelation in a moment, but let’s diverge off this path. LOST style, hypertextual trains of thought!

Was there anything more frightening and entertaining than Dicky Alpert running out of the jungle like a fucking crackhead and accosting Sawyer? Seriously. Dude was losing his fucking mind, and it was awesome. For years the dude has been the composed, sexy, strong dude of righteous immortality. This episode? Dude was tweaking out! He scampers out of the bushes and is like, “C’mon man! We got to go! We-got-to-go! C’mon bro! Seriously, let’s fucking go! MiB kicked my ass and smeared my mascara! He is fucking legit!”

Just what the fuck is Richard? If he came from the Blackrock as a dude to potentially replace Jacob, he clearly wasn’t chosen. Was Jacob all managerial and like “Well, see here Richard. We don’t think you have the stuff to protect the Island for thousands of years, given your experience, but we’d like to take you on as a steward!”

And just like that, Crackhead Richard ran back off into the jungle, fleeing from another ass-whupping from MiB. And speaking of the MiB, how about that first-person perspective of Smokey doin’ his thang? Fucking epic! Epic with a capital EPIC! Yeah, that doesn’t make sense.

Hurley is fucking awesome. That’s all. I really enjoy seeing the inversion of his character from the I’m Totally Fucked Guy to Yo Man, Don’t Sweat It. For that matter, Hurley’s inversion is also in line with Locke’s dismissal of faith and miracle, and Jack’s belief in it.

Locke’s life on LA X fucking sucks, a lot. And as I’ve mentioned, he seems a broken, pathetic man, just like MiB mentions in the season premiere. I’m really fingering my brain over what they’re doing with LA X. My bro Pepsibones thinks it may be nothing more than a mundane drama, showing us the unremarkable lives they all would have led if they weren’t brought there. I’m not sold on that shit, but it does seem eerie that Locke’s Fiance Whose Name I Forget shreds Jack’s card, perhaps dismissing any sense of miracle and the destiny we’re expecting.

I ain’t sold though. These people are meant to be together, and they will. I just ain’t got no idea how.

Also, Ben as the school teacher? Fucking huh? I don’t know, man. Ben being a teacher makes me wonder if his ass was ever on the Island, and if not, just how long ago did the Island itself sink? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! Is it Destiny, or mundanity?

The interweaving of destiny comes up throughout the episode, but there is no greater point than when MiB tells Sawyer that Jacob has played them all for the fools and brought them to the Island. MiB is all “Blah, blah, Jacob effected the course of your life to bring you here, as you were meant to be.” And he’s right, maybe. There were a zillion choices they could have made that would have pushed them off the course they were on. However, what MiB fails to mention is how he has been manipulating everyone just as he claims Jacob has, and maybe in even more nefarious ways.

Everything that led up to Jacob’s death has been executed by MiB. From getting Locke to leave the Island, to having Benjamin kill Locke, all of this was in an effort to gain the trust of Ben so they could put the ole stabby-stab into Jacob. Is there any free will going on, on the Island? Or have they all been chess pieces for both MiB and Jacob? Who the fuck knows.

I’m going to guess that Jacob is neither as benevolent as we may have thought, nor as cunning and selfish as MiB makes him out to be.

Either way, there seems to be an inherent necessity for balance on the Island, which MiB has disrupted. From the tilting of the scales to the eerie little fucker in the woods telling MiB, “You know the rules, you can’t kill him”, everything points towards MiB and Jacob being symbolic of the balance of Good and Evil in the world. Both are needed for the other to exist. Jacob and MiB’s conversation at the end of season five contrast the two of them, and now makes much more sense in light of the fact that Jacob summons them to the Island to replace him.

MiB: They come, fight, they destroy, they corrupt. It always ends the same.

Jacob: It only ends us, anything that happens before that, is just progress.

Jacob’s search for a replacement is centered around his notion in the potential for humanity. Despite being disappointed for what seems like hundreds, if not thousands, of years, Jacob considers the idea of a replacement for him to be plausible, if not inevitable. How long Jacob has been searching, or what his criteria is, or even further, if there was someone before Jacob? Who the fuck knows.