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The Expanse is currently my favorite running science-fiction series. Do I have any faith in Syfy doing it justice? Naw, but I have years of them sucking raw farts to corroborate my feelings. Does this trailer make me think they’re going to pull off an excellent adaptation? Naw, but I only have two minutes to base my feelings on. It seems adequate, though. Adequate and stuff.

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Crazy fucking hyperbole, but god dammit guys — I’m excited. The Expanse series (starting with Leviathan Wakes) are three of my favorite science-fiction novels of the last five years. I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING HARD. So if Syfy is really getting their shit together and dedicating their energy towards bringing the show to the small screen? With something resembling aspiration and a budget? My he-clit throbs.

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Hello friends and family aboard the Spaceship Omega. As we hail from the Empire Proper, the lot of us shall be celebrating the Fourth of July. You’re not from this Solar System? Confused as to how we rock our celebrations around these parts? It’s simple! All you have to do to join us is fill yourselves with chemical-soaked animal flesh. In-between teeth gnashing the bits, swallow healthy amounts of Amber Liquids. These suds shall assuage the indigestion. Not only that, but they shall elevate you to another plane. Careful, though. Should you consume too much Amber Liquid and Animal Flesh, you may theoretically pass out in the kiddie pool. With your pants down. Theoretically, you’ll wake up lobster pink. The children will notice your lack of pants, the parents will notice the vomit baked into your beard.

So even though it isn’t in league with the celebration, I also caution temperance.