There are times when the blue-veined monster whispers nothing-sense to me. It coos at me, driving down my already dessiccated and marooned on the side of my consciousness sense of Rationality. It tells me to do things. From with the dank Dagobah that is my swampy set of boxer briefs, it commands me. Put in your credit card information. Click those buttons. Sign up for that porn site. Dance, monkey! Dance, dinky! Soon all shall be right with the world. Let the buxom shake, let the artificial moans wash over you. Spend your money, do it, do it!

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Jesus Christ I take an evening to actually read comic books  and go directly to bed and then I miss this. Hathaway. As Catwoman. After the break.

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Pigs! If oogling Catwoman from afar in Batman: Arkham City wasn’t good enough for you, now you’ve hit the jackpot. Selina Kyle isn’t just going to be a latex-clad foil and sexual dynamo for the players to drool over. No sir! She’s going to be a fully playable character. A manipulable fetish object for everyone to enjoy. This was revealed today in an impressively sexist trailer complete with gratuitous shots of ass, glistening lips, and a “warrior pose” which has Kyle arching her back, pushing out her tits, and posing for your enjoyment.

Female empo-meow-erment, lol, get it? Awful, I know.

Hit the jump for the reveal trailer.

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This is not Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. It’s some photoshopping glory. However, it does seem like the perfect picture to accompany this article. In an article by Brendon Connelly at Bleeding Cool it’s dropped that, “Kevin McCarthy of Washington DC’s Kevin and Josh Movie Show this week had a good long chat with Wally Pfister, Chris Nolan’s regular cinematographer.” Invariably and understandably, the conversation turned to the next Batman flick. That’s when Pfister let it slip that he’s seen Anne Hathaway. As Catwoman.

Jealousy, I know you well.

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Alien Penetration Erotica. Yes, someone typed that into Google today, and Mr. Google passed them along to us. I’ve started a Category, Search Engine Terms, for collating all the bizarre references that bring people here.

As an aside, whoever typed in Alien Penetration Erotica, I can help you. No, serious. I don’t know if my readers are aware of Mandy Morbid, but you should be. She’s a gorgeous porn star, with tattoos and a pink mohawk. I wish I could make that up. Her body is refuckulous, in the same way that Christina Hendricks’ is. As in, she’s pale, with curves that defy logic.

And, oh yeah! She   made her own real life Alien Tentacle rape. It’s odd. Morbid is awesome enough to give away scenes free at her website’s archives, which can be found here.

You know what’s fucked up? Someone searched Alien Penetration Erotica, and I could help them. Because I’ve watched it.