#March2012
Video: Microsoft’s Concept PC Lets You Control Apps With Your Hands In 3D Space
This is just the friggin’ berries right here. Using a Kinect and a transparent 3D display, gurus over at the Micro-soft have created a concept PC that would let you manipulate apps with your hands in a 3D space. Minority Report ++!
Hit the jump to check it out.
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Video: Microsoft Pimps Kinect-Enabled Shopping Cart. Sloth ++
Listen, let’s all calm down with bringing the Skynet Cylon revolution into our fucking grocery stores. Well, anymore than it already is. I mean, laziness is good and all. I get it. You want to be fat. You want to ride your scooters around Walmart while you buy shit you don’t need. That said, we need to draw the line somewhere. I’m drawing it at having a Kinect-enabled Fascist Robot Shopping Cart point out when you’re buying the wrong spaghetti.
Hit the jump for more info, and the horror.
Sony Working On Their Own ‘Kinect’ According To Patent Filing.
An uncovered patent has revealed something that shouldn’t surprise you: Sony is working on their own iteration of Microsoft’s console-pushing Kinect.
Kinect Weighs Astronauts In Space Just By Looking At Them. HAL Lives.
Astronauts can lose a lot of mass due to muscles atrophying and shit in space. What a conundrum! How do take measurements of their bodies to ensure they stay fit? Why, activate HAL!…or the Kinect. It will scan them. Track them. Play chess with them.
Kinect Helps Two High School Kids Win $100,000 National Science Prize. Swag.
The Kinect. I’ll let you in on a secret. I cracked, gave into curiosity, and asked for one for Christmas. Call it the Child of Eden effect. Whatever you feel about it as Gaming’s Future, its technology has been leveraged into some dope things. The most recent? A national science prize for two high schoolers.
Next ‘Kinect’ To Be So Accurate As To Read Lips. Thought Police Cackle.
I already thought it was creepy when it turned out that the Kinect could figure out what sort of clothing we’re wearing and report it to advertisers. The next Kinect? Motherfucker is going to be reading your lips.
Kinect Parental Controls Could Automatically Decide What You Watch. By Your Body Size.
Grown ass people who are vertically challenged could be in for a bit of a snafu if a patent Microsoft filed ever comes to fruition. Parental controls determined by your body dimensions? I see. I see.
Kinect Designed To Take On Lightning Strikes, Drops Onto Concrete.
There’s tough, and then there’s Kinect tough. Tough enough to sit and watch all you assholes dancing in front of it without barfing silicon chips all over you. Tough enough to stand for hours as little kids play Kinect Super Soccer! or some shit and not want to hang itself by its power cord. (Does it have a power cord?) Kinect is tough, and that’s because it was built that way.
Press Start!: Voice Commands Are For The Bedroom, Not Video Games.
I absolutely love Chez-Its. Nothing relaxes me more than popping down on the toilet mashing a handful of Chez-Its into my gullet while checking my Tumblr on my iPhone. One of the other things I absolutely love is the use of adverbs. Hemingway fucking hates me. On top of those two pure, unadulterated loves of mine is my unremitting love for video games.
That’s why I write this column. Press Start!, the post where I run down five things that happened in the world of video games this week. I’m covered in Chez-It crumbs and ready to vomit verbose into your eye-mind-mouths.
Let’s party, guys!
Press Start!: It’s E3. Gimmicky Controllers, TVs, and Franchises.
Press Start!, the week of E3. There was a time when E3 was a wondrous occasion. Those days are gone now, like leaves from a tree. With the advent of the Internet, everything is known weeks prior. Secrets exposed, dissected. Shit is passé before it’s even revealed. Take for example Nintendo’s Wii U. While I’ll admit that seeing any new console in motion gets me up, it would have truly blown my asshole out if they could have kept the entirety of it secret until the conference.
With that in mind, let us not spend the entirety of our fleeting brain-focus-capacities on regurgitating the quasi-reveals and appreciable moments of the Big Three at the show. Let us instead turn our ADD-addled brains towards shooting the shit about the show. Deal? Press Start!’s usual conceit is pressed pause in lieu of some geek spit.
