When Mark Millar isn’t busy ripping off other people’s ideas with a lazy “What If?” twist, he’s usually being problematic in his portrayal of African Americans. When he’s not being problematic in his portrayal of African Americans these days, he’s usually doing something (at the very least) thinly veiled in misogyny. Usually he’s doing all three at the same time within a story’s run. So, you know, what could go wrong with Millar making Kick-Ass‘ new protagonist a black female?! Maybe, maybe the fact that Millar is just going to write the first issue of this new run is portentous of something actually promising. I’m not holding my breath, though.

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From the moment I awake, there is no reprieve from the Beast. He chases me on my way to work, his hot breath burning the hairs off the back of my neck. All day he skulks about my place of business, steaming up my glass door and flexing his gargantuan muscles. He drools all over the floor and the janitor gets a second degree burn trying to mop it up. My co-workers lock themselves in their offices and bolt for the exit when they think he’s not looking.

Most of them make it out alive.

Finally, I clock out for the day. I pack my bags and grab my wallet. Walking to my car, I have no fear for I know I shall defeat the Beast.

His name is Comics and we battle every Wednesday.

Welcome to Variant Covers!

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