#December2013
Monday Morning Commute: Climbin’ Aboard, Slingin’ My Words
Holy smokes.
It’s been a long goddamn while, but I’ve finally managed to find my way back to Spaceship OL. What’s been keepin’ me? Why’s Caff-Pow been forced to man the wheel without my navigational assistance? Well, we were pushing the `ole Nerd-Bird through some specially turbulent space-waters and I went to check on the chimp cages. In the process, I fell overboard.
Yes, I’d been drinkin’.
Anyways, I ended up getting sucked into an Ennui Vortex and was propelled beyond my control through some of the vilest scenarios of my entire existence. There were Responsibility Phantoms and Work Monsters and Accountability Ghouls. Hell, at one point I floated through a strait that saw the Stress-Scylla on one side and the Overtime-Charybdis on the other.
It was terrible!
But lo! and behold! I survived! Here I am! The one and only Rendar Frankenstein, hack-writer extraordinaire, in the digital-flesh! And you’d better believe I’m here for some haphazard word-slingin’! So let’s shuffle off the stains of yesterday and strap on our immortal foils! After all, this is the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE, the spot for sharing ideas about actualizing spiritual potential! How do we survive the onslaught of everyday malaise?
First, I’m goin’ to run you through some of the keys I’m using to unlock my mind. Then, you hit up the comments section and share the strategies you’ll be using to break open your idea-doors!
C’mon!
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LEX LUTHOR CONFIRMED for ‘BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN’, plus Kevin Smith is sort of Sad.
There was some Kevin Smith-hosted online event where Smith was his typical sycophantic self. Aside from revealing that Luthor is in Man of Steel 2: *ALL* The DCU Characters!, he spent a good amount of time freaking out about the new Batsuit.
Kevin Smith calls ‘CLERKS 3′ the series’ ‘EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.’ This explains everything.
This dumb as shit quote from Kevin Smith explains a lot. Namely, how willing he is to pander to geeks’ loves. Or how out of touch he can be with his own work. Or how he would routinely praise the prequels back in the day.
Just.
Just no.
‘CLERKS 3’ is going to be an interactive book before its a movie. Or something.
Kevin Smith just sort of spouts-off, and the world listens. At this point, I don’t even feel like holding my former adolescent idol responsible. If Smith continually ruminates on ideas out loud, eventually the responsibility of realizing what he is doing should be thrust upon us. So is any of this Clerks 3-as-book nonsense real? Who knows. Just our boy K-Smitty, flapping his gums as usual. Spitballin’.
Kevin Smith hoping to get out ‘CLERKS 3’ for original film’s 20th anniversary. I’m f**king old.
Goddamn! I really hate the fact that Clerks is creeping up on its 20th anniversary. I suppose there will be few more appropriate ways to celebrate my blase and unimpressive existence that Clerks has helped shape so greatly than by catching the epic conclusion to the franchise.
Kevin Smith’s final movie will be ‘CLERKS 3.’ Oh God.
Now that George Lucas has abdicated the Star Wars throne, I suppose some hero from my childhood had to pick up his ritual of shitting directly into the heart valves of my adolescent soul. Fuck. Clerks is one of my favorite movies of all time, Clerks 2 is a sore on my testicles that keeps oozing, and a final flick (while I will see it because I’m a sucker) makes me barf little balls of agony into my tits hair.
Kevin Smith Wants To Do ‘CLERKS 3’ As A Play? C’mon No Dude Please No.
Clerks 2 felt like a hot wet dump on my soul. Having grown up muttering the lines to the original to myself for hours, I don’t know what I expected. I wasn’t even opposed to it in theory. I should have been. It looks like I’ll be getting another drizzling of butt syrup, if Kevin Smith backs up this noise.
Neil Gaiman Providing Voice For Animated ‘Bluntman and Chronic’. This Is Exceptional.
Neil Gaiman is lending his voice to an animated Bluntman and Chronic project that I had absolutely no idea existed. Jay Mewes accosted the writer and overall Dork Legend, and the dude? He said yes.
Red State: A Vehicle of Redemption
Red State is a flick that’s been on my radar for a few years now. When I first heard that Kevin Smith was planning on dipping his toes into the horror genre, I was skeptical through-and-through. Sure, Clerks and Chasing Amy are two of my all-time favorite flicks, and I spent many of my most formative years memorizing and reciting the clever quips of Smith’s characters, all of whom seem to have vocabularies that would shame both Sadlier and Oxford. But I just couldn’t imagine Kevin Smith pulling off a legitimately terrifying flick.
Then came a string of Smith movies that did absolutely nothing for me. Clerks II was a veritable Mooby the Golden Calf, desecrating the legacy of a film that I hold as sacred. Zack and Miri Make a Porno was also a let-down, as I got the sneaking suspicion that the director was trying to channel some of the Apatow spirits rather than focus on his unique perspectives. And I didn’t even see Cop Out, but was assured by trusted friends and critics that I wasn’t missing anything.
So when I heard that Red State was actually being produced and that Kevin Smith was going to distribute it himself, my cynicism once again reared its ugly head. I was a scorned lover, unwilling to rekindle the passion that once raged for fear that I would be hurt again. Hell, even the fact that Tarantino enjoyed the movie wasn’t enough to assuage my doubts. Simply put, there was nothing anyone could say that would convince me that this movie would be anything other than a disaster.
But after sitting down and watching Red State, I believe it to be nothing less than Kevin Smith’s redemption as a filmmaker.
AMC Greenlights Kevin Smith’s Comic Store Reality Show, ‘Secret Stash’.
Oh AMC, you fucks. You cancel Rubicon after one slow-building but fucking excellent season, and yet you greenlight that Kevin Smith fucking reality show? Will I be watching? Of course I will. I’m a fucking sucker.
