To smash the face of your enemies is the most grand of human experiences. To drink their blood from the crystal chalice of your superiority is to achieve the pinnacle of Darwinian success. It is with this irrefutable notion in mind that I postulate the following: every fucking video game should have New Game+. Every digi-polygon experience should allow those of us who have rose up through the darkness of a Level 1, Devoid of Equipment birth to return to those who felled us at the beginning of our journey with fury. We deserve to smash their teeth with our litany of new abilities. We deserve it, god fucking dammit. We earned it.

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Fucking KEN LEVINE all tits-out, not caring. Yeah, I’ll drink a latte and not give a shit that my nips are showing. I’ll comment on the industry while my chest hair rattles the mind and soul of the men and women behind the counter. I’m Ken Levine.

It’s eerie to waltz around a world I’ve seen in trailers on and off since 2011. Eerie and awe-inspiring. Columbia is another City 17; avid gamers will hopefully feel happy to hear me draw the comparison.

There’s been so much said about the game, both from two years’ worth of previews and advance (groan) exclusive reviews over the past week. I won’t waste your time with fluff; here are some (spoiler-free) thoughts from my five-hour foray into Columbia so far.

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Mine eyes cannot comprehend the beauty of this BioShock Infinite trailer. In less than six days, I’ll be running around all vigorous, skyhooking myself to shit and pew-pewing like a mofuckah. The Faux Bot will be doing the same thing, and we will do it together courtesy of Skype. Two dudes, no shirts, pictures of Ken Levine covered in fluid.

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Now that I have finally expunged Dead Space 3 from my gaming gape, it is time for me to look forward to BioShock Infinite. Hopefully it’ll be everything that I hoped it will be. I cannot handle another gaming disappointment so soon, especially from a game that I have been anticipating for so long. One of the reasons my wait has apparently drawn on so interminably, however, is because the game itself has been generating massive amounts of content.

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The mammoth approaches! Day by day. Even though we will invariably be wiped out by a hidden asteroid before its release, it is okay to get excited about BioShock Infinite. Try and not get too down about that which I have divined through sleep-deprivation and caffeine abuse. Just enjoy these screens.

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Ken Levine was pretty forthright in his explanation of why BioShock Infinite‘s cover was straight dude-rock. To make the title seem appealing to those who hadn’t heard of it. It’s a fucking industry, people! In an effort to combat the less than tasty cover, Irrational Games is offering a chance to vote on the flip-side cover. Pretty solid move, in my honest humble truthful wonderful blessed opinion.

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More Sunday goodies! If this trailer for BioShock Infinite is any indication, we ain’t got anything to worry about. The game will dominate in typical Levine fashion. And I mean, whenever has a trailer duped us?

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Yeah, I went there. As much as I want to be hyped for the fucking BioShock Infinite Omega Level editions, I can’t get there. People are leaving that game’s development team like it’s a flame-covered donkey ride in the middle of the ocean. What is that, exactly? Fuck you! I don’t know. Anyways, so yeah. Buy these. At your own risk.

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Fuck me sideways while kicking me in the jimmy with a  hallucinogen-laced spike. BioShock Infinite  has been delayed until after the Moment of Mayan  Reckoning, and suddenly the world glimmers less.

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