Here’s some Justice League details. I swear it, I swear it unless this movie gets good reviews I’m going to take a stand and only see it once. Only once! Get it? A, uh, lame joke, cause it was sounding like I was actually going to skip it, but I’m worthless.

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Warner Bros. has set the dates for two as-of-yet-hyphen-unannounced-hyphen-DC films. If one of these fucking films isn’t a Solo BatFleck movie…well, I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked. Since, you know, comma, DC, comma, hasn’t done anything that has made sense to me yet.

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Amber Heard has been cast into the DCU? I was going to see the movies anyways because I’m a loser fanboy but gosh — this gets the old fanboy loins a boiling.

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Man. After seeing George Miller’s Fury Road, I’m pretty sure I’m ready to ride or die (TO VALHALLA) with anything he’s doing. And I mean, could you imagine if he could to bring his aesthetic to a fucking cape movie? Oh dearie me. Instead we’re going to be getting another Zack Snyder bloody, chunky, thrice-churned in pop culture banality turd.

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Darkseid is going to be the villain in the upcoming Justice League movie. If you believe the rumor. Or have common sense. Or you’re secretly an employee of Warner Bros. and have had access to the script. One of those. I mean — this is obvious, ya?

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*Insert innumerable jokes about Batman and Aquaman talking to each other in Boston accents. Asking each other how they like apples. Maybe combing Robin Williams’ beard. Final sentence ends the post with shot at Zack Snyder and all the creative powers that be at DC Entertainment.*

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This is a hyper NO DUH x AH DAMMIT x EH? combo. We all knew that Justice League was coming, officially. Even if Batman vs. Superman featuring Cyborg, Wonder Woman, and Everyone Else seems like Justice League, unofficially. We sort of figured that Zack Snyder would direct. Now both are confirmed, but the already circuitous route to Justice League seems even more confusing. At least to me. I am admittedly dumb.

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What is in a hashtag, bros? Brodettes? I ask you. ‘Cause either The Rock is rubbing us gently against the tip of his Green Lantern, or he is trolling the living shit out of us. In an Instagram picture filled with many other words, the hashtag at the end was worth like, a zillion more. Huh?

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In the completely unsurprising department: Benny Affleck has signed his life away for multiple flicks, agreeing to play The Cowl’d One until roughly 2032. That’s just part and parcel when it comes to joining a superhero franchise these days. Last time I checked, Chris Evans’ had leased away his sperm’s rights to play Steve Rogers should he suffer a sudden end.

There is more, though. Affleck has agreed to help create his rendition of the Batman.

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