#December2012
MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE: Death Rays for Deadbeats!
When the cultists descend from the Mountains, they’ll find my dessicated corpse next to the Xbox 360. If they’re willing to interact with the rot-flesh, perchance they could save my game. One last final save of my Mass Effect 3 playthrough, sending the file to a cloud server that no longer heeded requests. This is the way the world ends. A landfill of forgotten files on servers, leftover Netflix subscriptions no longer churning out endless episodes of Twin Peaks. Oh, I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying. This is Monday Morning Commute. The column where all us barely-evolved monkeys with keys to the Nanoverse share the things that are entertaining us on a given week. What are you partaking in this week, you turkeys?
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Buy These F**king Comics! – Dec 5, 2012: Hawkeye’s Quiver Burns Like Hell
Welcome to Buy These F**king Comics!, the column where all of us goobers get together and share the funny books we’re interested in buying in a given week. There is nothing so magical as hitting the shelves on Hump Day and snagging some comics to drag our wayward asses through the final two days of drudgery. Except maybe winning the PowerBall. That seems really magical. Plus, if I won it I wouldn’t have to scrape gum-covered quarters off the inside of trash cans to buy my comic books. Shit, that sounds pretty neat. Okay, so buying comic books is second in the line of majestic happenings. But it’s a close race. So, uh. Yeah. Again, welcome to the column. If I don’t mention your favorite weekly drop, let me know it in the comments section. If you are one of those booger-eating maestros who is too busy attempting to calculate the enormity of the Multiverse to know what is coming out this week, hit up Comic List. It’ll do you good.
[Interview] Jordie Bellaire – Color Your World!
At its core, the comic book medium can be thought of as the combining of words and images so as to produce a cohesive narrative. As such, it’s easy to understand why most comics are created not by a single individual, but by a team of creators. But even with this understanding in tow, most comic fans only acknowledge the prowess of their favorite writers, pencillers, and (occasionally) inkers.
Which is a damn shame, `cause colorists are the ones who truly bring the paneled pages to life.
In an attempt to better understand the role and responsibilities of a comics colorist, I reached out to Jordie Bellaire. As the colorist for MANHATTAN PROJECTS, HULK: SEASON ONE, and a slew of other projects, Jordie is making a name for herself as a sought-after and respected comics artist. Hit the hyperspace jump to check out her thoughts on her career thus far, the search for inspiration, and the challenges of being the last artist on a comic book’s creative assembly line.
Put away your Crayolas and come read the thoughts of a genuine talent!
JONATHAN HICKMAN’S ‘FANTASTIC FOUR’ outline is infographic Richards porn.
Whilst coming to an end, Jonathan Hickman’s run on Fantastic Four has been one of my favorite extended takes on a superhero rag ever. Goodness me, there’s a twinkle in my eye just thinking about it. Let’s side-step wanking on the variety of tropes used, philosophical themes discussed, and what I found to be its endearing and powerful final message: it’s about family, stupid, and focus on something else. The run was meticulously plotted with an absurd amount of storylines running concurrently through years of work.
How’d Hickman pull it off? This boner-inducing outline.
Buy These F**king Comics! – July 25, 2012: Zen and the Art of Underwater Welding
Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the funny book column at the end of the Internet. Or perhaps more specifically, at some abandoned asteroid-mining station spiraling into terminal descent. We here aboard the rickety ship don’t have much to comfort ourselves outside of the weekly comic book drop that comes courtesy of the spectra-gryphons sailing the solar waves. Drunk on cheap bathtub fermented moon juice and delusional from the vertigo, I admit my picks for worthwhile comic books can strike the bow a bit askew.
That’s where you come in, friends. Pull down the the blast shield long enough to bark out your finds in staccato bursts, before retiring to your dimly lit crevice in this here rotting rooster of a spaceship.
Don’t know what’s coming out? Pivot sharply and race down the cyber-wells towards the glowing info-cube. Comic List.
Bought These F**king Comics – July 19, 2012: Let me be clear, Avengers vs. X-Men sucks. Saga Rules.
What’s up, jabronis! Yeah, I’m late with the column. That’s why I got all goddamn clever and changed the title this week to bought these fucking comics! Bought! Get it? ‘Cause these are the funnies I’ve already snagged on this finest of days. The funny book day. Let us gallop amongst the pull lists together, sharing and caring about the titles we procured at the LCS.
Haven’t snagged your titles? Don’t know what dropped? Hit up Comic List.
Marvel Announces ‘MARVEL NOW’ Bringing MASSIVE RELAUNCHES And I Quietly Weep.
Ugh. Jesus Christ. Now Marvel is relaunching everything ever, shaking up creators teams and daring to address everything save for good stories. Maybe these new titles will be good, maybe they won’t. However you know what dominates hype? Just fucking quality storytelling. Just focus on it guys. Please. I’m begging you. The wave of hype will dissipate after we go “Wow! Relaunched bullshit that’ll devolve into status quo! This totally isn’t a response to the Blase 52!” and then things will return to functioning as a simmering churn factory for movie scripts.
Buy These F**king Comics! – May 30, 2012: Batman And His Douchebag Bourgeois Buddies
Weeks like this are a special treat. Fat off the flesh of animal and the oak sodas after celebrating Memorial Day, nary a moment has passed after returning to reality and it is already Comic Book Day. None the less, it is the finest of interstitial days, an Island of Relief in the middle of the work week. This is the inglorious column where we discuss the funny rags we’re snagging on a given Wednesday. Per usual this is a douche-free zone, and if my poor taste results in me not dropping a title you’re interested in, by all means alley-oop a recommendation.
Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit up ComicList.
Buy These F**king Comics! – May 23, 2012: Forget The Dark Knight, Psychic Spies Know Your Naughty Thoughts
Come one! Come all! Into the comic book column where we gather around the sacred hearth, the Pull List. Gathered around the resplendent flames as they lick our lollies, we share the comic books we’re interested in on a given week. Though not an Alpha Male, more along the lines of a First Sacrifice, I’ll go first. After done condemning my taste with your judgey eyes and pinnacle eyes, throw your chips into the bulging fire and pray the Gods of Well-Stocked Shelves smile upon you.
Not sure what is coming out? Hit up ComicList.
Buy These F**king Comics! – May 16, 2012: Mainstream Big Two Fanboys Abandon Hope, Aiight?
It’s approaching midnight and I sipping liberally from a recently-cracked open two-liter of Pepsi Max. This can only mean a few things. Diablo 3 has launched, my semester is over, and I may very well be dead by the time you read this. Slouched over all fucking South Korean internet cafe Starcraft stylee. Should I continue sucking wind into the meatier part of this Wednesday, I shall be snagging some comic books. These are the ones I’m digging on. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to tolerate my stupidity and then augment my list with the titles you’re going to procure for an exorbitant sum. Especially if I don’t list your little binky title. I’m willing to riff on anything should you suggest it.
Don’t know what’s dropping? Hit up ComicList.
