Jeff Lemire is one of the premiere talents in the game right now, son. Right now! And I am scientifically certain that 99% of his talents are derived from sucking in the clean, deliciously melodious bursts of Canadian air. The aforementioned Lemire will be bringing his Canadian-powered prowess to the Justice League game next year. And he’s doing it right, by bringing the team up north with him.

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Hey, folks!  Johnny here, back again for another week of slingin’ philosophical about my favorite pastime!  Looking at this week’s releases, I was amazed at just how much great non-superhero fare there is to be read currently.  Not in a long time have I felt that the variety of books is SO great and SO varied, that it is the perfect time to introduce comics to friends and loved ones who might like comics, but maybe just don’t dig capes.  Here’s what I’d like to grab this week, and hit us up in the comments and tell us what you’re looking out for!

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“Oh snap! He just kicked off Grandpa’s fuckin’ head! Didja see that shit! Grandpa ain’t got no fuckin’ head anymore!”

Yeah, I guess you can say it was an eventful Fourth of July weekend at Casa de Los Brothers Omega.

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But today is Monday, and as such we must embark upon the Monday Morning Commute! This is the spot where I show you all of the entertainment-junk I’ll crammin’ down my mind-mandible during the next few days. Then, you hit up the comments section and tell everyone what you’ll be feastin’ upon to get to the end of the workweek. Yes, it’s a bit like show-and-tell.

Except instead of kindy-gardners, the participants are the depraved Internet pirates clingin’ to the deck of Spaceship OL.

Okay, let’s do this!

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Jesus titty-fucking a kangaroo, this is dumb. We’re not even a year removed from Avengers fighting X-Men fighting Tediousness, and we have DC doing their best imitation of the Event. Oh sure I’m sure there will be marginal differences, but come on. Come onnn. The only thing more played out than the ennui-inducing concept of a super team is having those teams that populate a company’s universe fighting one another.

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Glory, glory, glory unto the highest! Actually, that shit may have been more germane yesterday. Anyhoo, we should be thankful to something. Why? We should give thanks and praise because Jeff Lemire’s next mini-series finally has a release date. Fuck yeah.

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Want to know how to have a whole mess of fun?

Hide your grandpa’s medicine. Steal it from wherever he keeps it, and then put it somewhere else. Ideally, you’re goin’ to want to go at least two rooms over. After all, geriatric hips are rustier than robot dongs. And remember, you’re aimin’ to maximize your entertainment.

For example, if Grampy’s bottle of pills rests on the bathroom sink, filch that motherfucker and bring it to your kitchen. Once there, turn the bottle upside down and open it up over your dog’s dish. There’s no joy quite like that of besprinkling Alpo with Valtrex. Then, while you’re waiting for your parent’s parent to discover just how badly he’s been goofed, stand guard so as to make sure that Fido doesn’t start snackin’ away.

After all, the dog didn’t do anything.

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Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! I’m going to show you some of the ways I’ll be keeping myself entertained during the hellish stretch known as the workweek. Then, you hit up the comments section and describe the weapons you’ll be wielding against the 40-Houred Beast of Burden. Yes, this is essentially electronic show-and-tell.

And no, you may not be excused to go to the nurse. Everyone must participate.

C’mon, let’s do this!

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Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the funny book column at the end of the Internet. Or perhaps more specifically, at some abandoned asteroid-mining station spiraling into terminal descent. We here aboard the rickety ship don’t have much to comfort ourselves outside of the weekly comic book drop that comes courtesy of the spectra-gryphons sailing the solar waves. Drunk on cheap bathtub fermented moon juice and delusional from the vertigo, I admit my picks for worthwhile comic books can strike the bow a bit askew.

That’s where you come in, friends. Pull down the the blast shield long enough to bark out your finds in staccato bursts, before retiring to your dimly lit crevice in this here rotting rooster of a spaceship.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Pivot sharply and race down the cyber-wells towards the glowing info-cube. Comic List.

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Despite not reading Animal Man  or Swamp Thing  (listen I’m buying the trades, get off my ass), I’ve been kept abreast of their interweaving storylines courtesy of my brother. These mingling storylines will be coming to a head this August in the 12th issue of both titles.

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Jeff Lemire may be putting Sweet Tooth  and its band of hybrids down in December, but he ain’t going to be going quietly into the night. As if on command to remind my melancholic ass that the Tooth  ending wouldn’t be the end of premiere, this preview of Lemire’s upcoming graphic novel has dropped. Damn, damn tasty.

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I didn’t see this one coming. Jeff Lemire has announced that his creator-owned title Sweet Tooth  will be concluding with issue #40 this December.

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