#March2012
Monday Morning Commute: Ms. Americana 1973
I’ll never forget the night I fucked Miss Americana 1973.
We’d met earlier in the evening for some casual drinks. Sitting in the Holo-Lounge, we ran a huge tab and sparred with one another. We both pulled punches, knowing that the other was far too vulnerable to be dealt a true blow. She was as defenseless against my clever quips as I was against her cheekbones and ass. Oh boy, was I defenseless when I was against her ass!
Anyways, banging a supermodel in a space station hotel suite is hardly an event worthy of a bedpost-notching. Hell, the name R. Frankenstein isn’t on three different brands of jetpack-vibrators because my stinky-little-peenie hasn’t gone off-planet. No, I’ll never forget my sexual encounter with Miss Americana 1973 because of what she gave me.
My first LSTD experience.
She had just climaxed, yanking out a clump of my hair and pouring a bottle of Pepsi on my belly (per my request) when I started to feel…off. At first I chalked up the tingling at the back of my head to either coital-bliss or an impending tumor. So I kept feebly thrusting. And the tingling persisted. So I kept feebly thrusting. And the tingling grew stronger. So I kept feebly thrusting. And the tingling turned into music.
And then the walls began melting and Roger Rabbit materialized so that he could tickle my ass and Miss Americana 1973 metamorphosed into a squid-creature that would’ve made even the likes of Lovecraft squirm and cry like a babby and then I began to cum but my dick shot out staples instead of ejaculate but I felt no pain only the wonder of producing steel from my sexual reproductive organ and I had to apologize to my squid-lover of the evening because I had shot staples all over his back but I made sure to clean them up with a rainbow.
When I awoke the next morning, Miss Americana 1973 was nowhere to be found. It seemed that I was completely alone in the suite. But then I closed my eyes and I saw that I had visitors – the spellbinding memories from the night before.
The remembrances of my first sexually-transmitted hallucinogenic experience.
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Hello to all of you – the heroes, bombshells, brats, nerds, Capitalist-hating-Commies, stuntmen, nurses, Commie-hating-Capitalists, post-modern Romantics – that visit Omega-Level? Thissere’s the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE, your spot for sharing the various means by which you’ll survive the workweek. Hit up the comments section and share what you’ll be reading, watching, playing, eating, or listening to this week.
It’s internet show-and-tell at its most dastardly.
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Comics We’re Buying This Week: ‘ORC STAIN’ IS BACK, Stop F**king Everything!
Welcome to Comics We’re Buying This Week. At the end of a long fucking day, during a long fucking week in which I haven’t actually read any comic books, I come to you. My task!, should I choose to accept it: to tell you the funny books I’m buying during this ungodly weekly cycle. All I ask in return is that you partake in this community (I accidentally typed ‘cummunity’ so you can see the threads coming apart in here) by rattling off the swag you’re either buying or interested in that are dropping this week. It’s a simple conceit. Yet in these complicated times, isn’t that just a bit comforting? Make the nips soften a bit knowing every Wednesday lies some friends and some funnies.
Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit ComicList, then come back here. We’ll wait.
Images & Words – Orc Stain #6
[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]
The fact that Orc Stain is written, drawn, and colored solely by James Stokoe is fucking ridiculous, a wonder that should be put on the same level as the creation of penicillin. What’s that, you’re wondering why I’m spouting such hyperbole? Well, the simple fact is that in addition to having the most imaginative plot I’ve come across in eons, this book’s visuals are absolutely jaw-dropping.
Orc Stain is comic book dynamite.
Variant Covers: Nothing To Fear But Mega Events Themselves.
New releases! Trade paperbacks! Splash pages! These are a few of my favorite things. Man, what a clichéd way to start a column, no? Jesus Christ and then I followed it up with a rhetorical question. This is Variant Covers, the place where I puke up adolespeak about the comics I’m most excited about this week. Not a Be All List, I encourage you to let me know what you’re reading.
Monday Morning Commute: A Lunatic’s Life.
We were raised by glowing boxes and nourished by the aluminum teats of sugar-liquids. Now adults, at least in the eyes of the law, we cannot help but look at the workweek as an adversary. Just as the Spartan gazed upon the wolf.
To thwart this formidable foe, we summon the spirits for help. Music. Comics. Movies. Caffeinated beverages. And the like.
Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute. I’m going to tell you which weapons I’ll use to parry the workweek’s devastating ennui. If you care to join the battle, hit up the comments and show me your wares.
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Readin’ / ORC STAIN vol. 1
Holy shit! This comic is damn amazing! I spent Saturday evening reading the first trade of Orc Stain (collecting issues #1-5) and I’ve been drooling over it ever since. In one fell swoop, James Stokoe demonstrated that he’s a creator whose name is going to carry some serious weight in the next few years.
Orc Stain tells the tale of One-Eye, an orc with a knack for unlocking not just safes and treasure troves, but anything – with a whack of his hammer, he can dismantle an entire building. In five issues the series establishes its own vocabulary, mythology, and visual language. If you have even a fleeting interest in fantasy, blood-feuds, or hilarious castrations, this is for you.
POXA GRONKA, BITCH!
Variant Covers: Dig Up The Soul Of Steampunk God!
Variant Covers. Sometimes it’s a love affair. Sometimes it’s an apathetic union. And sometimes its a ruthless hate fuck. Today is the latter. Pressed up against a deadline, I am inspired to do nothing. Refresh the same websites. Pound caffeine. Ignore my schoolwork. But I’m here, you’re here, and there are comics coming out tomorrow. Here’s the shit that may grease your underwear with excitement.
Per usual, hit the comments box with your pull list for tomorrow.
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Lady Mechanika #1
This new comic from Joe Benitez caught my eye when wandering through the various release lists for tomorrow’s loot. G’damn! Sometimes something sneaks up on you, and you want to kiss the gaping asshole of whatever force pushed you in its direction. I’m hoping this a dope find. A gorgeously illustrated steampunk release starring a vixen? Had me at vixen. But here, check out the plot description, “the tabloids dubbed her “LADY MECHANIKA”, the sole survivor of a psychotic serial killer’s three-year rampage through London. Found locked in an abandoned laboratory amidst countless corpses and body parts, with her own limbs amputated and replaced with mechanical components, her life began anew.”
C’mon! Tell me that isn’t worth at least a glance at the introduction. Sold.
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A Collection of Collections.
There’s a collection of collections coming out this week that caught my eye. ‘Tis the season and shit! Gift a comic book nerd you know with one of these bad boys. First up is the second collection of Jeff Lemire’s Sweet Tooth. As someone who is following this in trades, I’m excited to dive back into this series. Think The Road meets fantasy meets familiar tropes of responsibility for society’s future, et cetera. It’s one of my favorite releases of the past year or so.
Speaking of Jeff Lemire, his Superboy #2 is coming out, and if you read the first issue you understand: this title has promise. I don’t give a shit about Superboy, or Smallville for that matter. Or rather, I didn’t. Then Lemire stepped up. God, the dude has writing chops. Jealousy +500.
As well, tomorrow carries the first collection of James Stokoe’s Orc Stain. I can’t find this motherfucker at any comic book shop near me. Trust me, I’ve looked. As my local comic shop continues its depressing slide into bankruptcy, my comic book shop love has become polyamorous. So I’ve slutted around in my search. Now’s a chance to snag it all up and collected from my buddy, Mr. Amazon. I have a good feeling Stokoe is going to be someone we’re all going to be hearing a shitload from in the next couple of years. He’s talented, eccentric, off-kilter, and bizarre. Something of a kindred spirit for my demented brain.
Also last week hee did the world an enormous solid and released an entire unreleased comic book over on his website. Murderbullets. It’s fantastic, and I’m actually saddened I couldn’t spend money to support the effort.
James Stokoe’s four-foot GALACTUS drawing brings sublime fear and awe.
James Stokoe is the internet hotness today, and with good reason. The artist and writer behind Orc Stain as well as Wonton Soup apparently was working on this son of a bitch as a warm-up exercise every day.
