#July2013
LUCASFILM: ABRAMS AIN’T LEAVING ‘EPISODE VII.’ FARACI shrugs, PAGE VIEWS INTACT.
I probably shouldn’t criticize Devin Faraci for drudging up nonsense rumors, when I covered those same rumors. Whatever. I get three page views a day, and make no money. Faraci gets paid, and seems to generally giggle while stoking the flames of geeks across the internet. Wielding the hammer of God (or Thor, their parent company owns him), Lucasfilm has smote the rumors that Abrams is leaving Episode VII.
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Rumors: ABRAMS considering dropping ‘EPISODE VII’, ‘THOR’ writers penning THIRD ‘STAR TREK’ film?
I find it highly fucking likely that J.J. Abrams is going to drop out of Episode VII, but apparently that is the rumor making the rounds. YesIrealizethatIamnobetterthananyone by perpetuating this potential fart in the echo chamber. I get that. However as a Trek-Wars dork, I find any and all speculation to be a degree erotic.
A Treatise on the Defense of J.J. Abrams and the World of Into Darkness: A Warrior’s Tale
[Caff Note: A good friend of Rendar and myself wrote this rather awesome defense of Star Trek Into Darkness. I imagine he saw dullards like me bashing it, and decided to wave a righteous saber. Despite not seeing eye to eye with him, I demanded that he allow me to share it here. Enjoy.]
Into Darkness. What’s in a title? Nothing (if you ask me). However, Into Darkness attempted to conjure into the minds of the would-be viewers a universe that was literally entering into a ‘darker’ world. Into Darkness is the post 9/11 Trek – a world in which, yes, you can die. Into Darkness has a body count that would rival the epic end of Commando. More humans (not Vulcans) die in this film than in any other Trek film. San Francisco is literally leveled to the ground at the end of the film. Is this a forward direction for Trek? Did Abrams destroy a franchise that deserved something more?
Opinions Vary: J.J. ABRAMS AIN’T THE PERFECT FIT FOR ‘STAR WARS’
Coming out of Star Trek Into Unnecessary Reveals, a slow rolling realization swept over me. J.J. Abrams wasn’t unquestionably awesome. In fact, he was becoming the master of Smug, Self-Satisfaction courtesy of Contrived, Forced Mysteries. Don’t get me wrong. He can get great performances out of folks. He can cut a mean set piece. However, there are other concerns. As I sat stewing, wanting to chop him and the entirety of the Bad Plotting team in the fucking neck, I began to get concerned. You see, this is the ass clown who is the official steward of The Franchise.
I was concerned.
After much ruminations on the topic – involving Divinations courtesy of Blood Letting, Tin Foil Hats, and countless conversations with our own Eduardo Pluto – I’ve come to a conclusion. Abrams ain’t right for Star Wars. Or, at the very least he isn’t the Glory Be Messiah that I (I will take culpability for jizzing all over his initial announcement) originally ordained him to be. Here’s the deal: Abrams could knock it out of the park. Episode VII could rule. I’m allowing for that possibility. But this OV is dedicated to the delineation of my various anxieties involving Captain Lens Flare and Self Back-Patting.
WATCH: Red Letter Media’s ‘STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS’ review.
RLM’s Half in the Bag humorously takes a run at Star Trek Into Darkness. I’d recommend it. Smarter minds than my own delineate DARKNESS’ failings, and also what it gets right. Though if you put me up against the wall, I’ll say: Abrams is really good at making a pretty movie that hits all the same thematic beats as the first film, while not advancing the Universe along what so ever, and he also really doesn’t seem to give a fucking shit about anything like plot, or narrative coherence.
But like I said, RLM does it way better than me.
‘STAR WARS: EPISODE VII’ RUMOR: Jonathan Rhys-Meyers UP IN THE GALAXY?
Take this with so much salt that you being to seize. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers has been linked to Episode VII as the franchise’s first potential cast member. Like I said. So much salt.
Monday Morning Commute: SHALL WE BEGIN?
Welcome to Monday Morning Commute – the weekly tribal meeting where those upon the SpaceShip Omega share what they’re interested in during the next seven or so days. The exercise is designed to pollinate each other’s lives with both shared and new arts and farts, in an effort to mitigate the tediousness that Existence can become.
Time is short, let’s tug on one another.
‘STAR WARS: EPISODE VII’ to begin shooting in EARLY 2014. MY NIPPLES.
Why is this news? Because I jack off into a sock that I’ve fashioned to look like Chewbacca! That’s why. A new Star Wars is less than a year from filming. Oh God, the texture of my nipples as I type that sentence.
Abrams expects JOHN WILLIAMS to drop the tunes for ‘STAR WARS: EPISODE VII.’ G’damn right.
This just feels right, no? J-Daddy Lensflare expects the master of all Star Wars tunage to be returning to the franchise for Episode VII. While I’ve thought Williams has been sort of mailing it in the past couple of works (heresy, I know, whatever), just the idea of having the man behind the iconic score(s) makes me a bit wet in the slop-house.
‘STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS’ OFFICIAL CLIP: Latex dongs, and Spock is in trouble.
Woah baby! In this first official clip from Star Trek Into Darkness we got ourselves some overwhelming latex dongs. Them suits aren’t leaving anything to the imagination More like Captain Perk(y dong head!) Oh all right, I’m done here. Check out the clip.
