Sunday’s hour of Game of Thrones felt a scant 20 minutes, loaded with shock factor, upheaval and the brand of Westerosi monstrosity we’ve become accustomed to.

“The Old Gods and the New” is a phrase we’ve heard many, many times in Westeros.   The Old Gods were kept by the original, ‘first men’ of Westeros.  The New Gods are the Seven — the Mother, the Father, Warrior, the Crone, the Smith, the Maiden, and the Stranger.

And  still newer gods come from all directions; Melisandre’s Red God, which Jaqen has invoked.   Syrio’s God of Death, to whom we say, not today.   And certainly not least, the Drowned God of the Ironmen, to whom payment was made on Sunday, with Rodrik Cassel’s  head.

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The first time we see a Free City of Essos, far from the territories subject to the Iron Throne, we learn that the area surrounding its gates is called the ‘Garden of Bones’, so named for all those denied access to Qarth, left to die outside its walls.

More grim still, is that Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones  takes that title for its name as well.   Viewers everywhere seemed to agree, the episode proved this world is becoming almost unbearably dark.   The name ‘garden of bones’ juxtaposes an implied beauty or serenity — life — with the reality of death, the physicality of death; all that remains after life is gone, and Sunday was all about coming to terms with death.

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ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!? Be honest. This final episode of Eastbound flipped you on your head, had you crying like a baby, and then had your fist clenched in the air as if to say “you got me, assholes!”, before gently shutting itself down forever. It was the emotional equivalent to 4 years of High School packed into 30 minutes of programming, and now it’s my job to somehow pick up the pieces of your shattered soul to provide some level of clarity in this moment of somber reflection. Wish me luck suckas, because the only way I can describe the series finale is:

Hollywood/Prefontaine/Hollywood.

Allow me to explain…
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“What is Dead May Never Die” is the pledge of the men of the Iron Islands.   When they undergo this ‘baptism’ by saltwater in their adolescence, they are ‘drowned’ in the waters in homage to the old tradition — Ironmen were literally drowned, then resuscitated, and having suffered that little ‘death’, they style themselves as dead men, unable to be killed on the battlefield.

Theon Greyjoy bathed in saltwaters at the climax of Sunday’s episode of  Game of Thrones, and made the choice to betray the North, and his foster brother, Robb Stark.

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Do you hear that? It’s the sound of every subplot closing on EB&D, as the series begins to neatly wind itself down into the off position leading up to the grande finale this Sunday. 20 is my favorite episode this year, and it had plenty of great momentos. So join me after the jump on our penultimate expedition EVER into the world of Kenny Fucking Powers.

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Mother of Satan! EB&D takes the family circus to levels never before unseen, in what ends up more of an anthropologic character experience than an actual plot-progressing episode. I get it though. Not bitchin. I still believe. This week each vice is tidily accounted for, one by one, as we examine the true inner-workings of a southern dysfunctional family the likes of which produced such greatness that is, K fucking P.

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King Robert Baratheon, ruler of the Seven Kingdoms and resident of the Iron Throne of Westeros, is dead.

His son – in name only – reigns as Boy-King, strings tugged by the villainous family he unknowingly owes the entirety of his incestuous bloodline to; Robert’s brothers lay dormant, yet assuredly plotting in city-states half a continent away; his old enemies conspire across a northern sea in a country forgotten by the current, imperiled kingdoms; a young man commands a kingdom at war in the north newly receded from the governance of the Iron Throne; and a new queen rises across a second sea in the east, mother to a rediscovered power that tore Westeros apart a century before.

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We are fully in uncharted territory on EB&D. Where it goes next, nobody knows…sorta. Following a doppleganger story arc from last year, we have another family affair this week as KP focuses on breaking out of his slump with an epic 4th of July blowout. Stevie goes back to being a putz, and we fully explore the deep dark cavities of humor that are completely unpresentable to most audiences.

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[Caff Note: Give a cordial welcome to new OL contributor Sneaky Pete.]

The magic behind HBO’s Eastbound & Down is the dark authentic grittiness in which an idealistic plot is laid out early on each season, and the sadistically twisted corruption of that ideal as the season unfolds. In some primordial way, it reminds us of the daily incertitude of our own insignificant existence. All this dark meat is surrounded by a sesame seed bun of high-brow intellectual wit and low-brow slapstickery, making its esoteric depth quite palatable to the masses.

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Ready for a gala-deluge of new Game of Thrones promo pics?

Hit the jump!

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