Way back before Star Trek was known for cheap tit-shots and Benjamin Cucumber playing a monotone piece of disaster fanservice, it was known for its thoughts, its ability to interrogate society, offer new ideas, often from some great voices. One of those voices was Harlan Ellison, whose classic Star Trek script is getting the comic book treatment.

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Here it is folks – the final push towards Christmas! In less than a week’s time, the Magic Bearded Arbiter will sneak into our homes and either reward us with gifts or punish us with lumps of fossil fuel. Hopefully the Bearded Arbiter wasn’t looking when you cheated on your taxes, ran a red light, or didn’t tip the waitress because she didn’t preemptively refill your coffee.

But chances’re are that your ass is busted. There’s no hiding from Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping.

So on that note, welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot where we meet up to discuss the various bits of entertainment we’ll be relying on to get us through the hellish gauntlet that is the workweek. However, most of us are probably going to be giving half-assed performances at our jobs this week, more interested in cakes and candies and parties than punching in from 9-5. With that being said, last-minute shopping and party-planning carry their own unique brands of stress, and we’ll still need something to get us through.

C’mon, fly down the chimney and I’ll show you what’ll be occupying my mind this week!

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Hey-oh! Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE — OL’s attempt to curb the blow that is the workweek! I’m going to give you the rundown on what I’ll be doing in the upcoming days to protect my soul from drudgery and malarkey. Your mission is to hit up the comments section and show off your own entertainment survival kit.

What’s in it? Movies? Music? Candy bars and porno? Let us know!

So c’mon kiddies, gather `round!

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Spoilers Ahead. Forreal.

A couple of days ago, my brother predicted that Harlan Ellison’s Phoenix Without Ashes would be a comic book worth picking up. The Omega Elder also doubted that our local comics shop would carry the title.

Guess what, broseph!? You’re wrong and right — I’ve got a copy of this sonnophagunn in my hands right now! Sweet, sweet funny-mag success! Victory!

Alright, I have to come clean — I’ve never actually sat down and read any Harlan Ellison before today. With that being said, I’ve always enjoyed everything I’ve heard about him. I distinctly remember reading an article about Ellison in Wizard Magazine when I was no more than eleven years old. My prepubescent mind was bemused by the legendary tale of the writer’s single-day employment at Disney; he was fired after a suit overheard him joking about making a Disney-themed porno. Ah, what a yarn! How wonderfully uncouth!

And the best part of that story? It’s fuggin’ true.

With that being said, I’ve found Harlan Ellison intriguing for reasons other than his filthy mind. A number of my personal heroes cite the writer as being a profound influence, Warren Ellis and Patton Oswalt being amongst them. So while I have never previously read any of the man’s work, I have looked at him as a respected figure of the figures I respect.

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Greetings, Earth Dwellers. Or perhaps, interstellar beings, butting into our infostream trying to surmise what the human race is all about. We are humans, and we’re primarily concerned with fucking, fighting, and building. I hope we’ve passed your litmus test, and you see fit to not obliterate us with your laser beams and annihilation strobes. This is Variant Covers, the weekly comic book joint where I sound off on the funny book releases for the forthcoming Wednesday. Should you choose not to vaporize us, I’ll see you next Tuesday.

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Harlan Ellison’s Phoenix Without Ashes #1
If you don’t know who Harlan Ellison is, then you probably need your Geek Card revoked. Actually, that’s a bit draconian. You’re going to receive a three-week suspension and promise of having it returned to you after completing a program that lasts throughout duration of the suspension. He’s one of the Jesus Christ Wunderkinds of science fiction. A progenitor, straight-up pimp, and controversial motherfucker. It makes sense then, that the comic book droppin’ this week with his nomen upon it arrives with a serious amount of controversy surrounding it.

Buckle up, this is an amusing tale.

Back in the year 1971, Ellison developed a TV show under the title of The Starlost, whose pilot was called Phoenix Without Ashes. Apparently it was several shades of asstacular, and Ellison demanded he be credited under Cordwainer Bird. Yeah, guy wasn’t particular happy with the show. Cordwainer Bird? Interesting.

Anyways, following in 1975, the shit got novelized, by Edward Bryant. And here we are, some thirty-five years later, where it’s receiving the funny book treatment courtesy of “Harlan Ellison” and Alan Robinson.

I have no idea if Harlan is directly responsible for converting this son of a bitch into Panels and Narrative Boxes, but it interests me none the less. Any time that one of the godfathers of science fiction is contributing something to the annals of comic book history, I have to take a peek. See what’s going on. It’s what, four dollars? That’s like, three and a half Diet Mountain Dews. I can afford to take the risk.

You know, if they have the comic book. At my local store.

I’m doubting it.

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Bulletproof Coffin #3
Bulletproof Coffin #3 also drops this week. It’s the third issue of an eccentric take on both the current age, and past ages of comic book. Take that shit, wrap it up in some oddity and mix in the familiar but enjoyable trope of examining the glimmer of your past in contrast with the dull sheen of your present existence. But with dead zombies and children holding guns and other insane happenings.

It’s awesome. And if you can find a place to pick it up, it’s worth your space bucks. Your imperial credits. If you’re an alien reading this column, deciphering it for clues pertaining to our existence, you guys can probably walk into the comic book shop and just walk out with it. The fat guys and the bespectacled dorks running the joint are going to be too busy orgasming at the proof of extraterrestrial life to stop you.

Go on, get your theft on. If you’re going to be about our culture, your best bet is to ingratiate yourself into our behaviors as well. Theft is a good place to start.

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Amazing Spider-Man #640
Perhaps you’ve already undergone this, aliens. The movement from tangible to intangible objects. The decline of purchasing tenable objects in your civilization. But I’m having a hard time suffering that, in conjunction with the slow, miserable death of the comic book industry. You see, despite the fact that I’m pretty amped up for this week’s latest issue of Amazing Spidey, I’m more excited for the two aforementioned titles. The esoteric, less marketable bullshit. Less marketable, but perhaps even more enjoyable.

I’m struggling more and more lately with the fact that the shit I want to read, isn’t found on the shelves of my favorite comic book store. Ever since I said to myself, “Drinkwater, you got places in your heart for things beyond the realm of Capes and Telekinesis”, I’ve been branching out into Esoteria. But with that evolution of interest, I’m met every week with similar results. I walk into my comic book store, hoping to find say, Bulletproof Coffin, while silently resigned to the notion that I shant.

I walk to the shelf, and amidst Deadpool Explosi-Core #15 and Utterly Invincible Albeit Uncanny X-Force, there ain’t much for someone looking for the different.

And the worst part is? I can’t blame my comic book store.

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