Baby, I don’t have time for foreplay tonight. So feel free to put down the bottle of champagne and NES controller. C’mon, hop right into the sack with me. It’s time to get frisky.

This here’s the Monday Morning Commute, the spot where I tell you what I’ll be doing this week. We’re all dealing with that pesky infirmity known as the work-world, and so a double-dose of entertainment is necessary. Administer as many times daily as possible. Let’s dance.

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Rockin’/Coloring Book EP – Glassjaw

I put off downloading Glassjaw’s latest effort for awhile, telling myself that they’d make it available for purchase. But they haven’t. In fact, the only way to snag a physical copy is to attend one of their shows, and unfortunately the Boston gig sold out before I got a ticket. So, promising myself that I’d give GJ money when they decide they want my money, I downloaded Coloring Book.

Some of the tunes have a real Latin vibe, with funky-ass claves and tamborines and shit. And then some of the songs absolutely crush. And, as though they knew exactly what I wanted, the band closes the album with Daytona White, a jazzier number complete with brushstrokin’ drums and Sunday-morning keyboards.

It’s fuggin’ sick.

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We were raised by glowing boxes and nourished by the aluminum teats of sugar-liquids. Now adults, at least in the eyes of the law, we cannot help but look at the workweek as an adversary. Just as the Spartan gazed upon the wolf.

To thwart this formidable foe, we summon the spirits for help. Music. Comics. Movies. Caffeinated beverages. And the like.

Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute. I’m going to tell you which weapons I’ll use to parry the workweek’s devastating ennui. If you care to join the battle, hit up the comments and show me your wares.

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Readin’ / ORC STAIN vol. 1

Holy shit! This comic is damn amazing! I spent Saturday evening reading the first trade of Orc Stain (collecting issues #1-5) and I’ve been drooling over it ever since. In one fell swoop, James Stokoe demonstrated that he’s a creator whose name is going to carry some serious weight in the next few years.

Orc Stain tells the tale of One-Eye, an orc with a knack for unlocking not just safes and treasure troves, but anything – with a whack of his hammer, he can dismantle an entire building. In five issues the series establishes its own vocabulary, mythology, and visual language. If you have even a fleeting interest in fantasy, blood-feuds, or hilarious castrations, this is for you.

POXA GRONKA, BITCH!

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With little over two weeks until Hallow’s Eve, we had all better start breathing in that sweet autumn air. After all, it is mid-October — but unlike Daryl Palumbo, I’m not ranting `bout most early May. I’m here to enjoy the OCTOBERFEAST for everything it’s worth (which, in case you haven’t realized, is quite a bit).

For some reason, I’ve always associated Glassjaw’s Ape Dos Mil with autumn. It is in all likelihood that the lyrical reference to October is responsible for the forming of this mental connection. However, the Literature major and overzealous nerd within compels me to further dissect Ape Dos Mil. In doing so, I’ve discovered  that the track is the musical manifestation of the spirit of autumn.

Yeah, it’s over.

You can bet in mid-October,

I will still be ranting ’bout early May.

Yeah he’s a winner,

He’s a goddamn sinner.

While he dines I’m on the wrong side of the day.

And I said, “I don’t understand why I’m fumbling after.”

You’re the reason I cannot forget this season

Or the letter when she first referred to eight.

And I said…

The lyrics suggest that the remorseful crooner is longing for the days of early May, when the relationship was still new and exciting. At first listen, it may seem as though the words being penned address the literal calendar month and perhaps the true beginnings of love. But it can be no coincidence that the described romance is worthwhile and flourishing in May, which just happens to be the quintessential month of spring — the season best known for ushering in a wholesale sense of life and vitality.

Ape Dos Mil’s narrator tells us that he is now well into mid-October and unable to stop dwelling on the beauty that was his relationship only five short months previously. On the other hand, this linear development also coincides with the sharp thematic contrast of spring and autumn. Just as the leaves are falling and the Earth reclaims all life, Ape Dos Mil paints the portrait of man in decay, the approaching of a personal winter.

While given the story from the perspective of the man who pulled the shortest straw, I think there is something to the notion that the narrator’s  enemy is succeeding because of his ability to transgress. In the aforementioned verse, the narrator pits himself against a rival lover, describing him as both a winner and a goddamn sinner. It is Daryl Palumbo’s delivery of these lyrics that make the listener feel absolute unease, maybe even disgust. How can this new figure succeed while sinning, falling far from the set standards of the ideal? The narrator’s frustration seeps out, noting  that he cannot even stand a chance against the most mundane actions of his former love’s latest beau; “While he dines I’m on the wrong side of the day.”

Taking a step back, it seems as though the protagonist of Ape Dos Mil is simply a spring type of guy — fixated on those times in which the new, refreshing and lively were generated. However, the goddamn sinner of the track is autumn — cast with the role of bringing about decay and eventual death. In truth, neither of these characters can be applauded or derided for their actions, as they as just fulfilling their prescribed duties. Similarly, the female love interest should not be disregarded as a flake or whore. Instead, she can be understood as the  cyclical seasons, the recognition that a changing of the guard must occur.

If you don’t buy into any of the above, don’t worry. You can still enjoy Ape Dos Mil as a somber tale of love that just happens to sound better on an October evening.

Should you find yourself not enjoying the song, at least watch the video without the sound. It’s got creepy clowns, depictions of strange sexual practices and voyeurism — perfectly fitting into OCTOBERFEAST!