#June2014
E3 2014: ‘UNCHARTED 4: A THIEF’S END’ Trailer: Drake’s Last Crusade?
There are no words or phrases that could properly describe the fanboy squeal I let out upon seeing Nathan Drake’s next-gen model. But here are some attempts: pathetic, vaguely lustful, high-pitched, horny?, excited, jacked, pumped, somewhat sad, and overly excited.
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E3 2014: ‘BLOODBORNE’ Reveal Trailer: The Darkest of Next-Gen Souls
The next game from the Sadistic Bastards behind the Dark Souls franchise has made is debut at E3. It’s Bloodborne, and it looks like straight-up Nightmare Fuel.
E3 2014: ‘STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT’ Trailer: Return to that OG Feelin’
EA dropped a “trailer” for Star Wars Battlefront. Much like the “trailer” for New Mass Effect (Game 4): Not Shepherd, it’s mostly just people who I am sure are very nice flapping their gums about the process. Which interests me pretty much not at all. But it’s a “trailer!”, wee!
‘BORDERLANDS: THE PRE-SEQUEL’ Moon Dance Trailer: Groove This October 14
I fucking love Borderlands. Like, it speaks to me. The absurdity. The in-your-face fucking obnoxiosness resonates with me. It’s the gaming equivalent of A CAPS LOCK ENERGY DRINK CAFFEINE VOMIT NIGHTMARE. Which is essentially my life in a nutshell. So you better believe I love this trailer for the game. Which is arriving October 14! Fuck yes.
‘BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT: BATMOBILE TRAILER &…DELAY
Here’s one way a company can sugarcoat their delay of one of 2014’s most anticipated games until 2015. Do it with a gorgeous trailer. Win some. Lose some.
‘MORTAL KOMBAT’ X Trailer: A Forest-Based Donnybrook
So like here’s the trailer for Mortal Kombat X. I don’t really give a fuck about the franchise, but it’s more a deep-seated apathy than a dislike. But I figured there may people around these parts who will get some jollies from this trailer. Of pre-rendered stupidity layered in nonsense and hip-hop. Showing no real gameplay and having me scratch my head at why this would be approved. But again. I don’t know. Maybe you dig it.
‘MIGHTY NO. 9’ Gameplay Footage: A Mega (Man) Nostalgia Boner
Watching this footage of Mighty No. 9, I can’t help be like, “Capcom, you fucked up.” It’s goddamn Mega Man But Not Mega Man porn. Gorgeous, frenetic platforming by Keiji Inafune and company. Mind-boggling why the company didn’t give the dude the keys to pull this shit off with the Franchise Proper. But at this point WHO FUCKING CARES. New Mega Not Mega Man is coming. A robot by any other name, amirite? #ShakespeareReference #Erudition?NawImDumb
‘PROJECT BEAST’ Leaked Footage: From Software’s New Horror
From the people who brought us the psyche-smashing, spirit-breaking Demon/Dark Souls franchise comes this sexy batch of leaked footage. “Project Beast” is its working title, and whether or not its part of the aforementioned franchise remains to be seen. What is evident though is that From Software is bringing some batch of pants-tightening, palms-sweating, hyphen-hyphening gaming goodness to the PS4.
‘BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT’ GAMEPLAY TRAILER: Gotham & Bruce have a shit night
A new trailer for Batman: Arkham Knight confirms two already-understood things. First – Gotham is easily the worst fucking city in the world. Second – this game is going to be fucking fantastic.
‘CALL OF DUTY: ADVANCED WARFARE’ TRAILER: House of Bloody Cards
New Call of Duty. I’m always sold. It’s my yearly installment of overwrought, bro-culture fecaltainment. No apologies, but no delusions. For this installment I’m doubly sold. First true next-gen installment. Vaguely futuristic setting. Kevin Spacey in a leading role? Blathering Underwood-esque about democracy? Fuck yes.
