#April2014
5 YEAR-OLD totally exposes gnarly XBOX LIVE SECURITY FLAW
Oh fuck! Oh shit! We got ourselves another Zero Cool on our hands. A five year-old recently found a way to circumvent XBOX Live’s security, rigging a way around the need for a password. Well done, little man. No come over here, ’cause I got some porn sites I need you to crack.
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‘UNCHARTED’ writer Amy Henning is now new ‘STAR WARS’ game’s creative director
I’m going to go ahead and say this now. Write it in digital stone. The next Star Wars game is going to rule. Drawing inspiration from the Batman: Arkham Games. Being spearheaded by Amy Hennig. This is fucking awesome.
Square Enix: OH SH*T, People Like JRPGS. Us: Yeahnoduhbruh.
Don’t get excited! Don’t! But there are signs that Square Enix may actually be pulling their head out of their ass. It’s fucking up there, so it may take some time. Fecaltainment spraying everywhere. A frightening, rumbling sucking sound as their cranium emerges. But after the sales of Bravely Default, the company is all like: wait, people like JRPGs. No fucking shit. Now can we get a real Final Fantasy?
PHIL SPENCER (Blazer & T-Shirt Guy) is the new HEAD OF XBOX
Phil Spencer: Mostly known to me as the Blazer & T-Shirt Guy from his various presentations. Now I’m going to know the lad by another appellation: Head of XBOX. I don’t really know how to feel. Microsoft has spent the last year peeling off restrictions from their console, getting outsold by the PS4, and making me fucking pay for an adapter to use my existing headset. Is Spencer behind any of this? Will he alleviate some of this douchery now that he’s in control? I wonder. As an owner of the XBONER, I’m hoping he does a fantastic job.
Watch: RYU vs JESSE from ‘BREAKING BAD’ = best fan video
This is fucking wonderful. I don’t got anything else to say. Save for “tip of the cap” to this video’s creator. He’s way more inspired and far superior to my wretched ass.
EA looking to ‘BATMAN: ARKHAM’ games as inspiration for ‘STAR WARS’ titles
I don’t often praise Electronic Arts, but Imma go ahead and do it here. Some Chief President Guy with a Fancy Title of EA was recently talking about how the company is going to handle the Star Wars franchise. And go fucking figure, the Dude references the Batman: Arkham games as a source of inspiration for the SW games. Fuck yeah.
‘UNCHARTED 4’ game director leaves NAUGHTY DOG for Riot Games. Exodus++
Sweet Jesus Christ, seems like every big name game director-producer-creative-mind is leaving their post. Mayhaps the Big Budget Grindfest Windmill of Corporate Pressure’s juice ain’t worth the squeeze for many anymore. The latest departure is the Talented Bro Guy who was running Uncharted 4‘s existence.
MOAR CONFIRMED? PS4 getting PS1 & PS2 games in NATIVE 1080p
All I want in life is to be able to play my old school PlayStation games on my PlayStation 4-Some. In 1080p. Is that too much to ask? (I actually want a lot of other things: a golden dildo with my name engraved, a falcon, limitless supplies of Diet Mountain Dew, to name a few.) Soon I may be getting one of those wishes granted (unfortunately not the fucking falcon).
FACEBOOK buys OCULUS RIFT. My bunghole goes virtual.
Facebook has bought Oculus Rift. This is either the worst thing ever, or the idea of a virtual reality wherein I can finally attend to my dreams of surfing the Metaverse as a console cowboy is coming true. Most likely though — you’re all just going to be able to see my tattered anus scraps in all the dimensions you could ever ask for. I look forward to offending everyone in new, amazing ways.
DOUBLE FINE getting into indie games publishing; starting with ‘ESCAPE GOAT 2.’
Double Fine ain’t just going to hang around as a gaming industry darling, Kickstarting games to radical levels of funding. They ain’t just going to pubish those games to applause, Internet hand jobs, et cetera. The company is also going to go GOOD GUY PUBLISHER MODE and begin helping to get indie games out. Starting with Escape Goat 2.
