#June2014
THE WOZ was so good at ‘TETRIS’ that NINTENDO POWER banned his scores
The Woz, man. What a fucking life he’s led. I had no idea that on top of the whole co-founding the Apple Computer thing, he was also busy totally dominating the Tetris game. To the point where Nintendo Power banned his ass from their High Scores. Didn’t stop him though. Hell naw.
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Microsoft confirms XBOX ONE is 10% faster without KINECT.
When Microsoft announced they were cutting the mandatory cord on Kinect, Smarter People Than Me speculated that doing so could free up some processing power. Well, Egg Heads be damned. They were right. To the tune of a 10% performance boost. Yay! Yay? This is all rad and Hell, but if both parties in the NEXT-GEN (or is it now current gen?) DANCE OFF could release games specific to this new generation, that would be far more exciting than this.
Jordan Vogt-Roberts is totally directing ‘METAL GEAR SOLID’ movie
Jordan Vogt-Roberts directed last year’s indie darling Kings of Summer. So it should stand to reason that he’s taking the next logical step. A gazillion-dollar gaming franchise adaptation Leviathan. That’s how it goes now, folks. Indie darling. Blockbuster director. Disenfranchised source of fanboy disdain. It’s logical.
Ex-‘BIOSHOCK’ developers reveal ‘THE BLACK GLOVE.’
When Irrational Games and Guru-Auteur-Somewhat-Arrogant-Prick Ken Levine announced that they were going to slim down, and lay people off, most bemoaned the loss of BioShock. (Which apparently was for nothing, since Take-Two is continuing it.) Others wondered what Ken Levine would do next. (Aside from take himself very seriously and make art and statements.) However, maybe myself and others should have been sweating the creative efforts of Irrational Games staff newly freed from blockbuster constraints.
‘LAST OF US’ leads are now heading up ‘UNCHARTED 4.’
The Brains behind Last of Us are now The Brains behind Nathan Drake. Man, finally some fucking good news for the Uncharted franchise. The past couple of months have seen countless people throwing up the Deuces and getting the fuck out of Naughty Dog. So while all of that is certainly concerning, at least we know the people now in charge are fucking legit.
‘MIGHTY NO. 9’ Gameplay Footage: A Mega (Man) Nostalgia Boner
Watching this footage of Mighty No. 9, I can’t help be like, “Capcom, you fucked up.” It’s goddamn Mega Man But Not Mega Man porn. Gorgeous, frenetic platforming by Keiji Inafune and company. Mind-boggling why the company didn’t give the dude the keys to pull this shit off with the Franchise Proper. But at this point WHO FUCKING CARES. New Mega Not Mega Man is coming. A robot by any other name, amirite? #ShakespeareReference #Erudition?NawImDumb
‘PROJECT BEAST’ Leaked Footage: From Software’s New Horror
From the people who brought us the psyche-smashing, spirit-breaking Demon/Dark Souls franchise comes this sexy batch of leaked footage. “Project Beast” is its working title, and whether or not its part of the aforementioned franchise remains to be seen. What is evident though is that From Software is bringing some batch of pants-tightening, palms-sweating, hyphen-hyphening gaming goodness to the PS4.
Sony CEO thinks PS4 will exceed PS2 profits. BIG WORDS, BRO
Kaz Hirai ain’t fucking around! Surfing the PS4’s excellent sales like they were a mescaline-and-codeine wave of narcotic hyperbole, the motherfucker is tripping all sorts of arrogant balls. Proclaiming that the PS4’s profits will exceed that of the wunderkind PS2. Dream big, bro. Do drugs, bro. Take off your pants in a Walmart, bro. Right in the electronics section. Stick a Dual Shock 4 straight up your ass, yelling “I made this! It can go where I want it to!” The world is yours.
‘EVOLVE’ bringing monster mayhem this OCTOBER
Fuck yes! Don’t despair, fellow owners of next-generational consolation machinery. This Fall is stacking up to to be the meaty-dong thrust that we’ve been anticipating. Eyes hungry, gamer-holes eager. The latest to line-up for the Autumnal wallet gangbang is Evolve.
‘FAR CRY 4’ plot synopsis leaked. But…who cares?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m fucking stoked and pumped and jacked like a proper bro for Far Cry 4. But the primary quality that had me swooning over its predecessor was the beauty of roaming the Island by myself. Encountering unscripted mayhem. The vomitcore story was ancillary, and thankfully easily ignored. But yeah, here’s the plot synopsis for Far Cry 4. ‘Cause it needs one, I guess.
