#February2014
Listen: SUPER MARIO BROS. THEME played on ancient-ass instrument
Need proof that Super Mario Bros. is a fixed, universal constant? That its signature tune is actually a direct wave-length that helps us attain Nirvana? In this next fucking video the theme is played on an Old as Fuck Instrument (that’s actually the name, don’t question me, question the translator) and it sounds goddamn stellar.
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Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg helming CONSOLE WARS movie.
Outside of debating “Metallica or Megadeth?”, the biggest source of contention in my adolescence was what console was superior. Now as a spoiled douchebag, I always owned all of them. Thanks Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, and shitty teenager jobs! But it was furious!, fun!, meaningless, and now a couple of lads are bringing that clash to the screen.
WATCH: Sochi Speed Skating x ‘MARIO KART.’
Obligatory yet FUCKING NEEDED “Man if this was an Olympic Sport I’d actually care” comment. The indie film maker Michael Shanks has remixed speed skating from this year’s Olympics in Sochi with some glorious Mario Kart classics. That’s all you need to know!
New ‘TONY HAWK’ game coming from Activision. OLLIE OF F**KING JOY
Remember back in 2000 (or was it 2001? If only we could search things on the Internet), when Tony Hawk was fucking awesome? Grinding to Primus and shit? Man. The good old days. Then Tony Hawk came out every year and it was like WAY MOST NOT GNARLY and I got tired it. But it’s been long enough for a TUBULAR REVIVAL, and the Powers that Be at Activision see that too.
Shinji Mikami admits GENESIS VERSION OF ‘ALADDIN’ is tots superior
Thing I did not know: The Shinji Mikami was behind the SNES version of Aladdin. Thing I did know: The SNES version was blah central, while the Genesis version was not fucking optional. Apparently even Mikami knows this.
‘BIOSHOCK’ STUDIO Irrational Games is closing. The Rapture is upon us?
HA! HAHAHA! Get it? Using a BioShock reference to herald the demise of its creator? Yeah man. Next level douche-swagger up in hurr, up in hurr. Middle fingers in the air, not caring. Cause I’m secretly in mourning. But not really. I think this could be a good thing.
‘BORDERLANDS 3’ isn’t being made right now. F**ks**ta**
C’mon, Gearbox Software! Fuck you, fuck your new IPs. You’re not working on Borderlands 3 right now? You need to. Don’t misunderstand me. I need you to. It keeps the glue in my blood-brain barrier from dissolving, which will let the omni-slugs into my rotting-piece.
‘EVOLVE’ Gameplay Video & Trailer: Do The Monster Mash
Fuck yes. The minds behind Left 4 Dead have dropped a panoply of videos today for their next game, Evolve. Okay not really a fucking panoply but kiss my ass, aiight? Within these post’s walls you will have a gameplay video, and a cinematic trailer. They’re both fucking gnarly. Left 4 Dead…evolved! HAHAHA. I hate myself and my puns.
ICE-T totally stumbled into recording a ‘DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS’ audio book
I find Ice-T fucking hilarious. A genuine gamer, spitter of absurd lines, and married to one of the most serious donkeys in the Local Cluster. He recently recounted the time he got unknowingly roped into recording a D&D audiobook, and the tale is everything I’d expect from the man.
Activision: ‘DESTINY’ is like totally going to be “BEST SELLING” original game ever
Activision! Bold words. Or are they? I’m no economist. No projector of market forces. However, it doesn’t seem too daring to predict that Destiny may end up as the best selling original game ever. That’s the crux of the argument. New game! Like, Halo 5 may outsell it, but it’s a sequel to an established franchise.
