One particular dude is spending his time way more creatively than me during this pandemic. Motherfucker has turned a watermelon into a working Game Boy. Yup! Yup. Behold this wonder of science and nature! Functionally, the son of a bitch “is a Raspberry Pi connected to buttons, a small LCD screen, and an external battery pack, all jammed into a hollowed-out grocery store watermelon” (Cole). Pretty fucking impressive, my dude.

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This is how we anger the robots, folks. We fuck around with programming, exploit it. We fuck around with the robots, making them humiliate themselves. I’m not saying we can play the robot uprising on this hacked copy of Super Mario. But we can.

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YEAH OKAY SO OFFICIALLY IT WAS YESTERDAY when Game Boy turned 25 years-old. But we’re going to talk about it today. ‘Cause this is my virtual house. And on top of not wearing shoes, making it okay to pee in the sink, and insisting the running water is replaced with Diet Dew, a main rule of mine is we talk about shit when I want to. (Or I get around to it.) But yeah seriously fuck Game Boy has turned old as shit, marking me as older than shit.

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Go outside? Pah! I have Tetris and Wario Land to play! And god fucking knows, you can’t see shit in the sunlight.