#December2012
US Supreme Court will rule on whether human genes are patentable. Futurism ++
Welcome to the future, flunkies. The US Supreme court is getting a case in which they’re essentially deciding whether or not human genes are patentable. I think. That’s what my fat head gleaned from this story, but I was also half-covered in peanut butter. Sitting on the toilet. Reading it on my iPhone.
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Scientists create BRAIN-ON-A-CHIP for drug testing. We fly too high, Icarus!
Well, this is one way to test drugs and study head injuries and the such. Create a bunch of living cells on a chip! Yeah man. And when those cells go sentient, mutate, and clone themselves a body, I want to be the one that gets to yell “told you so, you fucks!”
ROBOTIC SNAKE designed to slither through your body and eradicate tumors. Erm.
I’m all for progress. Science. Medicine. Don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know how I feel about unleashing a robotic snake in my body, even if that swag is under the guise of eradicating tumors. Eh, who the hell am I kidding. I’d probably get off on it. I’m freaky like that. How you doing?
Behold! A piece of glass that can store data forever? Say word?
Forever is a long time. It’s at least two lifetimes, maybe three. Scientist wizards have been contemplating what to do with the fact that all data decays, and that nothing seems to last forever. Forever! Now with some fancy glass thing, they may have circumvented data mortality.
Google developer teases INTERNET WITHOUT LOGINS. Oh please yes I beg.
I have no idea how the fuck this would happen, but I’m leaving that to the Internet Wizards. Please free me from the burden of remembering fifteen different logins across social networks, porn websites, and academic nosense. I beg you. Get it done Bray, you son of a bitch.
Scientists make monkeys smarter with BRAIN IMPLANTS. We have learned…nothing.
Didn’t these fucking scientists see Rise of James Franco’s Wild Fucking Apes? Sure, sure. Give these monkeys brain implants. Next thing you know we’re all going to have our faces eaten off as the Great Culling of 2013 unleashes itself upon the world. Shit. Don’t say we didn’t have it coming, I guess.
Police could create IMAGE OF SUSPECT’S FACE from their F**KING DNA. Yeah, science.
I don’t care that this is speculative nonsense, aiight? It is still fun as sheezy to think about. Recreating a suspect’s face from their DNA? Why, it is just the sort of Police State Wet Dream that The Man totally works their prostrate to.
Neuroscientists control THE DREAMS of rats. Well f**k me.
We’re flying too high, Icarus! Goodness me. Goddamn neuroscientists all controlling the dreams of mice. Let them step into the dank dark dungeons of my subconscious. I shall deep fry their particles with scatological behavior and vomit play! All while pitching for the Neo-Mars Thunderbars.
This Camera Can Detect Cancer Cells In Real Time. Yeah, Science!
I don’t know if it’s going to be prostrate cancer, or Diet Dew-chemicals induced brain cancer that knocks me off the top rope. I don’t know which one shall do it. However, I’m glad that there’s all sorts of wonderful medicinal technological wunder-things arriving into the world to screen my dumb ass when the day comes.
Japan Aiming For Self-Driving Cars In Next Ten Years. No Word On Jet Packs.
Japan’s got themselves some swagger. Declaring themselves some goals. Yeah, well we got a guy who can eat nearly seventy hot dogs here in the States.
