Squaresoft-Enix-Eidos-Whateverthefuck straight trollin’ us now. The Company That Doesn’t Matter Anymore announced today that they’re bringing Final Fantasy VII to PS4. But it ain’t the remake we’ve been clamoring for over the past fifteen years. Just an upscale whateverashit port. Same one that has already dropped on Steam.

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Liam Neeson! Bro! Are you even fucking serious? I got problems with you twice over. Now understand that I’m a fan of Daniel Craig, his craggy face, and his rendition of Bond. So I’m somewhat content. But fuck man, you turned down Bond?! To star in Non-Stop? Unknown Taken 2? (I loved the first one.) Damn, man. And if that ain’t bad enough — now you gotta tell us all about the fact that you turned down the role?

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Square Enix likes to laugh at us after farting a sugary dollop of turd on our tongue. This is evident. They could be doing so many fruitful things, but instead they’re making Final Fantasy XIII-3: Lightning Knickers and launching cloud gaming services. It is evident there are no fucks given around those headquarters.

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