MARCH 9, 2010. Fuck yes. That’s when Final Fantasy XIII drops. And I’m shooting ridiculous loads onto my own face in excitement. I’m screaming at my Nana, yelling at her about Final Fantasy. She’s cowering in the corner and I don’t care! Why? Because fucking Final Fantasy XIII has a release date! I’ve been sweating this thing forever. I’ve gone through some serious shit since this game was released! I lost my virginity, got addicted to sleeping pills, got unaddicted to sleeping pills, watched my fucking Patriots lose the Super Bowl, three girlfriends, fourteen pairs of shoes, nine beards, four hundred and fifty thousand cans of soda, and a new sweet ass cat.

MARCH 9, 2010. Don’t knock, don’t call, I will fucking stab you.