I feel like Jared Leto.

And I don’t mean the Jared Leto from last nite’s Academy Awards. No, that one was all about having beautiful long-ass hair. And usin’ his victory speech to pay tribute to his Mahma. And bein’ all dappered out, white tuxedo beamin’ contrasts off his spray-tan.

I don’t feel like that Jared Leto.

And hell, I don’t feel like 30 Seconds to Mars Jared Leto, neither. Y’know that one, right? Yeah, exactly, the Jared Leto that somehow learned to play guitar and be all frontman-like while figuing out how to live his so-called life. What’s that? Yeah, this Jared Leto is also known as Ride a Bicycle in the Middle of Goddamn Street Without a Helmet Jared Leto.

Nope, I ain’t that sort of Jared Leto.

Today, I feel like good `ole fashioned Fight Club Jared Leto. The Jared Leto who, for a moment, is really happy that he’s pretty and blonde and surrounded by some peers. This Jared Leto is all, “Check it, I can fight too, dudes! First rule is — oh wait, can’t say it! Ha! Get it?! Kawaii!” Everything is pretty sweet.

And then he runs into Edward Norton.

Quite frankly, I’m feeling the grind of the workweek and life responsibilities and my own mortality and the fact that it’s been goddamn months since I’ve sat down with a stack of comic books. Allow me to wax philosophic. Wax misanthropic. Wax bitter tonic.

Wax Jared Leto.

But alas! Right here’s the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! I’m goin’  to show you some of the buoys I’ll be hopin’ to cling to as I avoid getting washed out into the deepest depths of the Bullshit Sea! Then, you hit up the comments and share your own ideas! Let’s do this!

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