MARCH 9, 2010. Fuck yes. That’s when Final Fantasy XIII drops. And I’m shooting ridiculous loads onto my own face in excitement. I’m screaming at my Nana, yelling at her about Final Fantasy. She’s cowering in the corner and I don’t care! Why? Because fucking Final Fantasy XIII has a release date! I’ve been sweating this thing forever. I’ve gone through some serious shit since this game was released! I lost my virginity, got addicted to sleeping pills, got unaddicted to sleeping pills, watched my fucking Patriots lose the Super Bowl, three girlfriends, fourteen pairs of shoes, nine beards, four hundred and fifty thousand cans of soda, and a new sweet ass cat.

MARCH 9, 2010. Don’t knock, don’t call, I will fucking stab you.

December mother fucking 17, 2009.

The date that lucky Japanese motherfuckers will be able to play Final Fantasy XIII. Good god damn, this game isn’t fake. I’m running around my room screaming “YES, YES!” while my Nana weeps upstairs unknowing and confused as to what’s going on down here.

The release date gives all of us unwashed English-speaking gamers…three months to learn Japanese. Or else we’ll be waiting you know, the usual FORTY FIVE YEARS it takes Square to localize a game. God forbid they localize is as they go and release it simultaneously. I don’t know if this makes me excited, or saddened, knowing that the game is in fact real, and people not named Ian Drinkwater will be playing it.