Yeah, I know I’m fucked up. However, when I’m imagining Fifty Shades of Grey being rated NC-17, I imagine two things. First is a legion of unsatisfied middle aged women diddling themselves in the theater. Gross, I know. What I also imagine is a legion of unsatisfied middle aged women passing out when they finally see what they had been reading about.

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Fifty Shades of Grey has been making uncomfortably-sourced panties soggy (my Mom read it) for the past couple of months, and as such there is the inevitable movie adaptation. Now one of our generation’s most sexualized ladies is in the running to direct. Maybe. Can she star?

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