#July2015
Ugh: ‘Final Fantasy VII’ remake bringing “dramatic changes” to its battle system
My initial excitement about an FFVII remake has given way to a stark reality. Namely that Square fucking sucks and they’ll find a way to ruin the remake. Because they fucking suck now and will change things.
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Cosplay: LADY CLOUD STRIFE makes my BUSTER SWORD bad pun et cetera
Been a hot minute since we had some cosplay up in here. (Been a hot minute since we had much of anything up in here, but hey what the fuck whatever.) Here is a glorious Lady Cloud. Not to be confused with regular Cloud, who my mother confused for a woman back in the day more than once.
Kitase: FFVII Remake Would Be Too Different. Or Uh, Too The Same. Uh. Uh.
The never-ending cry from Final Fantasy VII fanboys and fangirls for a remake drudges on. Final Fantasy XIII2: Ghost Protocol producer Yoshinori Kitase touched on the continual clamoring with a bit of equivocating.
Square Enix CEO: We’ll Explore Remaking FFVII, Me: EX-SPLOOGE-SION
Well holy fuck, shit actually seems to be heating up regarding the Final Fantasy VII Remake. Don’t you play with my balls, Square Enix! Don’t you pull this shit again!
Via Kotaku:
Yoichi Wada, the president and chief executive of Square Enix, told Siliconera that the company has heard its fans’ pleadings to remake FFVII, made nearly 13 years ago for the original PlayStation.
“Right now we don’t have a clear direction, but many fans have requested we remake Final Fantasy VII,” Wada said. “We’re going to explore the possibility – whether or not we’re going to do it, if we’re going to do it, and the platform.”
Fans have been asking for it? No shit! I think we began fapping about the possibility way back when the god damn PS2 was announced Get this shit done. Please. Please, God. I beg you.
Director of FFXIII Says FUCK YES to Final Fantasy VII Remake
Cock teasing galore! How many times has a fanboy like myself gotten excited about some hint or reference to a Final Fantasy VII remake? Like, a zillion!
Via Kotaku:
Final Fantasy VII character designer mentioned the prospects of a FFVII remake, and then FFVII game director Yoshinori Kitase mentioned how he was never tired of answering questions about FFVII remakes. Now?When asked by game site Siliconera which game FFXIII director Motomu Toriyama would want to remake, he replied, “That would be Final Fantasy VII!””If we had the manpower and the time to work on a project, if we were to remake Final Fantasy VII with the quality of Final Fantasy XIII it would become a tremendous project,” Toriyama continued. “If we can get the number of people we need by all means that would be the one I would really want to remake.”
I have no idea why it hasn’t been done. It’s something like permission to print ludicrous amounts of money. People like me would lose our fucking minds. All my old masturbatory dreams involving Tifa and materia anal beads would be rekindled. C’mon Kitase you, let’s get this shit done. I’ll volunteer as intern. Bring you coffee or whatever and comment that Cloud needs to “look really cool” and Sephiroth needs to “really stab Aeris done well.”
20% Of Japanese Dudes Want to Bone Aerith, I Say Me Too!
There’s a moment in the ending to Final Fantasy VII where Cloud hefts Tifa and her enormous bosoms on top of a cliff. They gently bounce up and down and settle for a moment. I was fourteen at the time. Without exaggeration, my cockhead almost exploded. I was in love. Well, apparently I’m not alone:
Via Destructoid:
In Japan, Konami conducted a lifestyle survey of 500 men in their twenties, just releasing the results late last month. About 40 percent of these men said that they thought in-game love is something worth seeking out. About 20 percent of those polled actually want love with a videogame character.
Alright, actually, these dudes are actually crazier than me. Listen, I have an excuse. In 1997 I was fourteen years old. The hormones rushing through my body had me….thinking the same inappropriate thoughts that I do now about video game females. Shit. Well, yeah, but I’ve never actually thought that it was “something worth seeking out”. Holy shit, what does that even mean? Are these dudes trying to conjure up Sheva from Resident Evil 5 through some sort of mechanism that drags avatars into the real world? You know, like in All Tomorrow’s Parties?
See, and people shit on American television being a bad influence! Japan has all that god damn whacky anime, and Gozilla and tentacle porn! And now these poor warped young dudes then think pursuing love with a fictional character is worth the effort.
Fucking weirdos.
(Call me if you figure it out.)
