DO YOU LIKE CRYING WHILE FAR AWAY? Or how about USING WEAPONIZED PACHYDERMS? Far Cry 4 won my ass last night, and it’s currently shopping around for the lube it’s going to use to pleasure it. I’m ready, willing, and eager to get on with its complete domination of my fanboy g-spot.

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Don’t get me wrong. I’m fucking stoked and pumped and jacked like a proper bro for Far Cry 4. But the primary quality that had me swooning over its predecessor was the beauty of roaming the Island by myself. Encountering unscripted mayhem. The vomitcore story was ancillary, and thankfully easily ignored. But yeah, here’s the plot synopsis for Far Cry 4. ‘Cause it needs one, I guess.

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