#November2015
Obvious Report: ‘Fantastic Four 2’ removed from Fox’s release schedule
Go figure — one of the biggest flops of the year, a movie critically panned and awash in bullshit-slung and words-spit, has seen its sequel removed from Fox’s release schedule.
Just give Marvel the rights, Fox.
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Fox announces dates for ‘FANTASTIC FOUR 2’, ‘WOLVERINE’ sequel & MYSTERY MARVEL PROJECT
You know what they say. You can’t hold a flailing franchise down! I mean, fuck. Despite rumors that they may gut the entire fucking Fantastic Four corpse and start anew five months prior to filming (please keep Michael B. Jordan), Fox has already announced a date for the sequel. And the Wolverine sequel. And a “mystery” Marvel project.
‘Bulletproof Coffin’ Creators Cut Up ‘FANTASTIC FOUR #2’ With Scissors. For Art.
I can get behind this insanity from the creators of Bulletproof Coffin. They goddamn cut up a copy of Fantastic Four #2. You see, I don’t collect comic books. I read them. Sometimes I rip out pages and stick them on my wall in moments of inspiration. However, with an issue of this nature…I may show a little more reserve. So double-daps to them.
Hit the jump for pics and info.
OCTOBERFEAST – Skrulls!
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
Seeing the blood-red Hallow’s Eve moon begin to wink over the horizon, the OCTOBERFEAST revelers have begun assembling their costumes. The celebrants are still pumpkin-drunk and half-deaf from the cacophony of firecrackers and guitar solos, and they stumble and shout their way through the campgrounds in search of appropriate attire. They all eventually wind up at Rusty Ray’s tent, as he’s opened up the treasure trove of clothes and jewelry he claims his great-great-grandfather stole from the Globe Theatre in 1642.
He’s not lying.
Sammy, a wide-eyed seventeen year old with tremendous acne, excitedly excavates a demon mask. He holds it in front of his face and exclaims, “Come Halloween, ain’t no fools gon’ call me crater-face! Innfakk, I’ma pinch me some titty!”
He’s not lying, either.
By shrouding ourselves in layers of feigned-flesh, we are finally able to live out those furtive fancies that our feeble human frames cannot bear on their own. In those disguised moments, we are not tired or short or cross-eyed or dying of lupus. Instead, we are mutated into manifestations of ideas, archetypal concepts that’re time-tested and universally-recognized.
Ghosts. Witches. Hobos. Pirates. Vampires. Slutty nurses.
When these new personas are adopted, agency reaches an ejaculatory peak, as we are finally providing our own definitions of self. We become beings both defiant of corporeal circumstances and confident in our own prowess. We are free to do as we please, whether that means dancing to the Monster Mash, trick-or-treating around the neighborhood, or attending an orgy.
Disguised, we are not ourselves. And surely you can see that this opens up a world of possibility. But to be fair, this gift of liberation-via-secret identity also comes packaged with a caveat.
What if we’re not the ones wearing the masks? What happens when we find out that friends and loved ones aren’t who they say they are? What if those most adept at obscuring their identities actually want to see us brutally murdered?
What if they want to see the entire planet brutally murdered?
Such is the case with one of the Earth’s most terrifying foes: Skrulls.
