Welcome to Tuesday Morning Commute! I’m busier than a mofuckah’ here the last week of the semester. Students coming out of the woodwork, not wanting to fail. Tutees wanting me to salvage papers last moment. And grading! Oh, the fucking grading. But I’m almost at the end. I can see six weeks of gluttony, literature, and gaming right around the corner. Here’s what I’m looking forward to this week though. The materials that are dragging me through this sad limp to the finish.

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It is Thanksgiving this week in the heart of the Empire. Say what you will about the manipulative mythos that has conjured such a holiday. Say it to the wind. Say it to people outside of the local Walmart. But know this. I think it is wonderful to celebrate a day where family, and gratitude are paramount, regardless of your ideological inclination. And so a wild anarchist like yours truly  can still find himself sitting down this Thursday to cop to the warm, fuzzy embrace of familial gluttony and momentary harmony. I’m goddamn glad to be here. And for everything I have.

So while it isn’t a typical work cycle, still I offer up Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share what we’re looking forward to during a given week. This iteration filled with 100% more mashed potatoes than usual.

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Hello, friends. Welcome to Weekend Open Bar. The column at the end of the Space-Week where we gather to celebrate us making it through another grind. Or if you’ve been on vacation like me all week, it is the column to just sort of sit around and shoot the shit with friends. I’ll confess, the Halls of the Space-Ship have been lonely as of late. So I don’t know what to expect.

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It’s Friday! Friday! Friday! Which is probably less exciting to me. Being on semester break. Funny thing about weekends when you’re unemployed. They don’t quite mean so much, except you get to hang out with all your working friends. But none the less! Fun shall be had. By me. Food shall be consumed. By me. And I’m going to frequent this goddamn insane column, Weekend Open Bar.

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Hey fuckers! This is Weekend Open Bar. The 48-hour+ column where anything goes! Your one-stop chance to spout off about how The Illuminati is throwing games of Titanfall, comment on a show you’re marathoning this weekend, or post pictures of your genitals.

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Hello friends. Welcome aboard the Mother-Ship. Adopt your seat of choice. Notice how the syntho-foam molds itself perfectly to your buttocks. And — And! — should you telepathically wish it, begins to invade said buttocks. Go ahead. We didn’t spend all the money on the syntho-foam for nothing. We ain’t judging.Once you’re settled, pull the visors over your retinas and ingest this forthcoming list. The list? A drug-fueled (specifically antihistamines) delineation of the things I’m enjoying this week. Correlate the list within your rotting, offensive organic dome-piece. Whilst, of course, writhing against the synto-foam’s pseudo-phallus. Then when you’re done, hit the comments section with your own list of enjoyments.

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