They tryta tell ya not to worry.
“Don’t worry about it, everything will be fine.”

They tryta tell ya that it’s not really fuckin’ weird.
“What you’re feeling, right now, it’s perfectly normal.”

They tryta tell ya that what — or, I guess, who – you’re seein’ is familiar.
“Look! There he is! He’s opened his eyes! See, he’s waving to you! Wave back!”

But I’ll be goddamned if I ain’t never seen nothin’ less familiar.
“Go ahead – go into the room and give him a hug!”

And I’ll be good goddamned if there ain’t nothin’ I’d ever wanted to destroy more.
“Here, let me bring you in! I can only imagine what waiting for The Reuniting has felt like.”

Unfortunately, turns out that paperworkin’ and payin’ and waitin’ all felt like shit, and that shit felt like gold compared to this shit.

Unfortunately, turns out that bein’ Reunited with your once-dead son don’t feel so good as they tryta tell ya.

Unfortunately, turns out that seein’ your once-dead son openin’ his eyes and wavin’ at ya don’t feel so good when ya could only afford to upload his mind into a bootleg clone.

They tryta tell ya not to worry.
Worry.

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Come one, come all, step right up, folks: this is the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!

First, I spit prose-nonsense at you (that’s the stuff at the top). Then, I try to apologize for it by sharing a list of pop culture detritus I’ll be chewing on all week (that’s the stuff you’ll see after the jump). Finally, you hit up the comments and tell us what you’ll be entertainment-consuming this week.

Right this way, hombres!

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I should really write these things on Thursday. In that case the column wouldn’t really be written during The Weekend when I composed it, but you would be none the wiser! Temporality is a lie! We sit upon the string, God and Her Ones looking down upon us, just a swift step to the left of linear-time-space. And we are all none the wiser! What would we do if we could perceive the non-linear linearity of our own linear-time-space! Me? I’d probably just smoke more weed and play more video games. Same as usual, just twisting the knob a bit more to the left.

Swift steps to the left, twist knobs to the right! What the fuck am I even doing here?

Oh yeah! Weekend Open Bar! The weekly one-stop outpost where all the Empresses and Emperors of their own Existential Ship can dock for a bit. Share what they’re up to during the weekend. Be it the food they’re eating, the turds they’re taking, the lovers they’re taking, the souls they’re eating. Whatever the case. The movies, books, gifs, and games!

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Trey Parker and Matt Stone have never been ones  to shy away from examining the absurdities of powerful institutions–religion being one that offers much fodder for inspired tomfoolery. South Park episodes that take a closer look at dogma typically deliver the goods in some capacity–be it a witty insight or riotous commentary–and last episode “Jewpacabra” was no exception thanks mainly to Cartman’s extended dream sequence that puts the destruction of Egypt in Exodus into an appropriately brutal light. Take a look after the jump.

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