#June2014
E3 2014: ‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ dropping on PS4/XB1/PC
One of the worst kept secrets has now transmuted itself into one of the biggest “yeah no shit” announcements at E3. Rockstar games has revealed that Grand Theft Auto V is coming to the Personal Computer, as well as the PS4 and XB1. Which is neat for me, because I dun fucking goofed and didn’t get around to the title when it was released last year.
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E3 2014: ‘UNCHARTED 4: A THIEF’S END’ Trailer: Drake’s Last Crusade?
There are no words or phrases that could properly describe the fanboy squeal I let out upon seeing Nathan Drake’s next-gen model. But here are some attempts: pathetic, vaguely lustful, high-pitched, horny?, excited, jacked, pumped, somewhat sad, and overly excited.
E3 2014: ‘FAR CRY 4’ on PS4: Friend doesn’t need game to play with you
Far Cry 4 came on the screen during Sony’s E3 presser and promptly dominated my balls. However, Sony dropped a fucking bomb just as I was imploring a friend to buy the game so we could play together. If you want a friend to join in your epic mountainous battle with elephants and locales and shit, your friend doesn’t need to own the game. Wut.
E3 2014: ‘BLOODBORNE’ Reveal Trailer: The Darkest of Next-Gen Souls
The next game from the Sadistic Bastards behind the Dark Souls franchise has made is debut at E3. It’s Bloodborne, and it looks like straight-up Nightmare Fuel.
E3 2014: ‘STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT’ Trailer: Return to that OG Feelin’
EA dropped a “trailer” for Star Wars Battlefront. Much like the “trailer” for New Mass Effect (Game 4): Not Shepherd, it’s mostly just people who I am sure are very nice flapping their gums about the process. Which interests me pretty much not at all. But it’s a “trailer!”, wee!
E3 2014: New ‘MASS EFFECT’ Trailer: Blah blah show me f**king gameplay
Here’s a “glimpse” at the new Mass Effect. But honestly it’s a whole goddamn pile of platitudes, empty rhetoric, “conceptual artwork” and happy horse shit. Someone give me a goddamn look at the actual game. Like, I’d take ten seconds of actually something over this minute+ of pretty much hot air.
E3 2014: ‘RISE OF THE TOMB RAIDER’ Announcement Trailer
Raiding tombs fucks you up, yo. Or maybe it’s the thousands of bullets and arrows you use to perforate all the baddies that inevitably inhabit said tombs. Either way.
E3 2014: ‘HALO: THE MASTER CHIEF COLLECTION’ arriving in November
It’s a SURPRISE! That we knew about last month. Microsoft is releasing Halo: The Master Chief collection this November, giving fans of John-1117-SpartanGuy something to chew on until Halo 5: Guardians of A Different Galaxy. Plus! It features the buzz words of Gen8 or whatever: 1080p, 60 fps.
E3 2014: ‘Tomb Raider’ getting sequel, ‘RISE OF THE TOMB RAIDER’, dropping in 2015
Tomb Raider is getting itself a sequel, and goddamn I’m happy about it. Like a litany of other games want to play though, the sequel is coming in 2015. Goddamn, I’m not happy about that.
No duh: ‘TITANFALL 2’ being planned. Will drop on PS4, too.
In a move shocking EVERYONE, everyone!, there’s going to be a Titanfall 2. Go figure. Was a bit of an underground indie hit, but hey maybe there’s some credit there. Also shocking EVERYONE!, to the point where they were puking chunks of esophagus onto their keyboards in surprise, is that it won’t be an XB1 exclusive.
