James Taylor once penned a tune called Country Road. I’m not exactly sure that it was Taylor’s intention, but when I hear Country Road  I can’t help but imagine myself walking through an apple orchard in the heart of autumn. Perhaps I’m some sort of modern day Johnny Appleseed, walking along a deserted October highway and handing out smartphones to indigent children. “Help us, Techno-Papa, help us! We want to download apps and steal music and message our friends in Vietnam! We’re tired of burning these orange leaves to make smoke-signals! Techno-Papa, we need you!”

And I’ll look at these children, plagued by rickets and smiling their Pepsi-stained smiles, and I’ll deliver. Against the backdrop of autumn, decay and decrepitude as beautiful and wondrous, I’ll hand these diseased scamps the modern-magic they need to survive.

Or, at the very least, to die with smiles on their faces.

Is this what James Taylor thought of when he wrote Country Road? Probably not. But the motherfucker spent so many years on heroin, I wouldn’t rule it out.

Tonight, I’m celebrating dragon-chasin’ pop-song daydreams of autumnal techno-wizardry. It feels good, real good, but it’s parching me out. So it looks like  I’m washing these dope-sick delusions down with a cold can of  Autumnation.

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