It’s official. I didn’t want to acknowledge it. But now it’s official. I have a bit of a heartbeat-quickening attraction to Flemeth from Dragon Age II. Whatever. YOLO! Unless you’re a dragon-lady, then you probably YOLForever or something. Hey whatever.

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You have to adore the ESRB’s descriptions of games. Especially when it turns up all sorts of interesting nuggets. Take Dragon Age II for eample.. The ESRB went and did all of us a solid, unveiling some delicious nougats. Like fellatio. And same-sex hook-ups! Outstanding.

ESRB Description Per Destructoid:

During the course of the game, characters sometimes engage in sexual dialogue (e.g., “Why is it always about sex with you?” and “Sailing is like sex. Do it wrong, and it’ll make you sick.”). Players can also initiate brief cutscene sequences in which couples (male-female or same-sex) are shown kissing and embracing one another in a bedroom as the screen fades to black. In one cutscene, a woman kneels in front of a male character and appears to perform fellatio–there is no depiction of the sex act; the camera pans out to the rest of the room. The words “a*s,” “bastard,” and “sh*t” appear in dialogue.

I’m glad the Dragon Age series brings the same-sex thunder. It’s a great past time of mine in Mass Effect 2 to pine for Chambers with my FemShep. However, the powers that be saw to it that it was impossible to consummate a same-sex tryst. Fuckers. In Dragon Age? It’s all good.

In addition, I imagine in a game that encourages investment in an avatar as a logical arm of your moral and philosophical choices,  homosexual gamers may be bummed out that they couldn’tactualize their sexual orientation in the game. So big-ups to making it possible.

That’s just me.

Good god damn. I need me some Dragon Age II. Like, really bad. I’m almost done with the original. Would have been done, if not for something called the Mojave Wasteland. And I love the game, a lot. But everything I’ve seen regarding the sequel screams one thing: this game is like the original, but better in every fucking way. That, my friends, is a great thing. The most prominent improvement for me is the introduction of a Shepard-esque protagonist. I need my main character to do something as crazy as speak and have a serious role in the plot.

On top of better graphics, seemingly better direction, and everything else? My loins swell with glee. Hit the jump for the newest trailer, “Rise To Power.”

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Jesus Christ, I know this is old, but I hadn’t seen it yet. The female model for Dragon Age II’s Hawke is fucking gorgeous. And powerful. Powerfully gorgeous. Gorgeously powerful. I more or less want her to take it to me with a strap-on while screaming incantations and making me swallow mana potions. I’m in love. I want to wear a plate metal girdle and have her throw me through walls before claiming me. Don’t tell my girlfriend.

Confession time! Despite loving BioWare and everything they produce, I haven’t played Dragon Age: Origins. I know, I fucking fail. So hard, that it makes comprehension of said failure almost impossible to grasp. That said, the recently released Director’s Cut trailer for Dragon Age II has me losing my god damn mind.

It’s got almost everything that gives me a boner in life: a bad-ass dude with a ridiculously large weapon, power metal cords, and slow-motion combat. It’s god damn amazing. I was planning on conquering Dragon Age: Origins prior to the sequel dropping, and now I’m really fighting the urge to throw aside my backlog and play the son of a bitch.

I’m losing my cool with fervor, yo! Do need.

Hit the jump for the trailer.

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